Childless Generation??

To continue on in the subject of the Career vs. Family issue I want to discuss a study I came across on AOL News. According to a recent study done by the Pew Research Center, 1 in 5 women of childbearing age (about 40) are opting not to have children.

Once again I will mention that I am nowhere near the "childbearing years" (well I guess biologically I am but you know what I mean). This study doesn't directly effect me (yet), but I do find it to be quite interesting.

The study found three main reasons in this change in women's titles or roles in society. The first reason was a recent trend in delayed marriage as well as delayed childbearing. And if you do the math it actually makes sense. Graduate from high school at 18, spend four years in college and graduate at 22, perhaps a couple years in grad school (to be an oberachiever and go for the Master's). By the time you finish your education you're 24 and then it's just time to start moving up in your career. And education and your career is at least something you can plan. Falling in love and getting married... not so much.

The second reason pointed to the diminished social pressure to have children. Having children used to be just the thing you did after marriage. Married with kids seemed to be some sort of predestined job description for women in years past. Now, however, birth control and the Women's Rights Movement have prompted a great deal of options and control for women. Our destiny is now in our hands. You don't necessarily have to have kids. It's now becoming an option for those who choose to do so, and when they choose to do so.

The study also found that there are now expanded job opportunities for women. Women used to go to school to get their "M-R-S degree", but now going to college is about much more than finding a man to marry. Women are more focused on gaining an education and more centered on reaching their goals.

In the end, it only matters that every woman is happy with her decision. Women are finding that those without kids "are not more depressed" and have a psychological well-being just as high as those with children. You just have to make a decision that best fits you, whether it's putting off the soccer mom thing or avoiding it altogether!

Do women have to give up love for success?

After a long day's work, I came home and made dinner, did the laundry, and still had time to put my feet up and flip between America's Next Top Model and America's Got Talent. But the beauty of this is the fact that I just had to take care of myself. I do not (thank God) have any kids or a husband or anyone else to think about when I get home. So for this week I am wondering: Can we have it all? Or do women have to give up love for success???



In today's world of oober independent, strong women the media gives off the message that the lifestyle of the 1950s wife is no longer necessary. It is now more important for most women to climb the corporate ladder than it is to find a man, marry and multiply. A recent study by the Pew Research Center even suggests that 18% of women in America have not had kids by age 40. And of course this is a complicated study with multiple factors that I will cover later ... but my point is, the growing trend in America is to focus on your future in terms of your career as oppossed to a family.

And according to Forbes.com, No, You Can't Have It All! This article says that their are three exceptions to this rule: having a "house husband", having a flexible work schedule, and having a nanny. But even these offer a "watered-down" version of parenting. And the article suggests that someone who tries to balance both may never make it to the top in her career. The author writes, "It may be in some ways the ideal compromise, but once a woman is no longer available 24-7, she is sure to lose out to her male counterparts."

So even though I am several years away from needing to know how to even try to balance a career and a family, it is something that I think about. This is the time when the climb on the corporate ladder begins. And everything from here on will determine my future. This is the time where we determine and develop our futures. Though the long term is trying to balance soccer practice and business meetings, the short term is trying to balance the full time internship and the dating world. So even though this seems far off, it's actually pretty complicated now too.

While it may seem difficult and perhaps impossible to "have it all", I will still strive to conquer both a successful career and a successful love life. Because there is hope out there for those of us who try to be Superwoman and have it all.



Here's what you said on Twitter:
skeyz91 @sexintheville "No unless they make it their decision. Many women have balanced love and success and had gr8 lives."

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...?

So... I am going to put a link to a video on here and I want you to watch it, but I also want you to come back as soon as you finish.:)

This is a video clip from the animated verision of Robin Hood about the love he had for the Maid Marian and how their love stood the test of time. Click here to watch.

So my question is: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or give room to wander???

Most of my friends are in long distance relationships and I must admit I have a bit of experience with it as well. But I also have dated and have friends who have dated in close proximity and I often wonder which is better. And I know those of you who are in long distance relationships are saying, C'mon it sucks and you know it! And yes, it does suck, and yes, I do know it. But with the same token it does have its perks. For instance, in a long distance relationship the time you do spend together is so precious and so much fun because you both know how rare it is. The distance also allows you a bit of freedom - time to develop a personality, friends, and hobbies of your own. Whereas, some relationships can become too clingy when people live close to each other and women tend to take on the likes and dislikes of the person they're with.

But after all of those good things fade from your memory and you realize that you are in a relationship, but you're still alone... well it sucks.

So like I was saying earlier, and to answer the question, yes absence does make the heart grow fonder. It keeps things fresh and allows for the romance to stay more like courting. When you are dating from a distance, you actually go on dates as oppossed to just hanging out all the time. It gives you something beautiful to look forward to as the days pass while you are apart.

But don't make it too long! You should schedule regular visits and stick to them. Find your limit, the absolute most amount of time you can be apart without going crazy! For instance, if you know you need to see him or her every two weeks then plan trips every other week and alternate who visits who. Which brings me to another point, if at all possible the travels should be equal and balanced. Noone should be putting forth more effort than the other to make this thing work.

And lastly, you have to close the gap eventually. You can't have a permanent long distance relationship. The distance should only be temporal or else the couple may begin to tire of the added stress. If you are serious about the person you are with then you should probably make long term plans to be in the same city. I do, however, know a married couple who has a long distance marriage and it seems to work for them. But that is a specific circumstance and I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for most.

Here's what you said on Twitter!
Rcollier029 @sexintheville "I think it depends on the person and the circumstances. I think, small absence makes you grow fonder but long absence wander."

wrecklessmania @sexintheville "if done right fonder but it can quickly wander."

MsCrimson_S_nce @sexintheville "I think if the person is truly committed 2 the other and 2 the relationship the heart will grow fonder, otherwise it will wander."

Follow Sex in the Ville on Twitter at "sexintheville"

Sometimes we just don't know what we want!

Last night, my roommate and I had a lovely night out on the town with dinner and a movie!
Our movie of choice - Sex and the City 2.

I am a long time fan of SATC (hence the tribute via the blog title) and have thoroughtly enjoyed the show as well as the first movie. So I was super excited to see the sequal, especially with one of my closest girlfriends. (Random sidenote, there was a couple in the theatre and that is just not a couples movie, that is definitely a girlfriend movie.)

Anywho, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the movie!

In this movie Carrie is adjusting to the married life. Only two years into their marriage, (though they've been on and off for years) Carrie and Big are still adjusting to being together full time. And though Carrie loves Big, she longs for the single gal's life she once lavished in as she strutted down the streets of New York.

Carrie goes through several adventures in the movie, including meeting up with Aiden, (yummy!) and all of these things only remind her of how much she loves Big. She tries to revert back to her single ways to avoid being an old married couple that just sits in front of the television and orders take out. But in the end, Carrie realizes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable and settled in a stable relationship. She had been chasing after the man of her dreams for years (nearly a decade) and just didn't really know how to act once she finally got him (like many of us do).

Carrie finally settles down into a slower paced, married life (all the while looking fabulous of course!) and in the mean time she has a blast with her three best friends. The moral of the story is appreciate what you have, find really good friends, and keep them around.

So some people say it wasn't as good as the first one, while others say it was better than the first. But in my personal opinion, it was neither better than nor worse than the first. I think that it was an appropriate sequal that continued on the story of four friends and the men they love.

Famous SATC Quotes
"Big-Which is worse?" Carrie-"Samantha, the baby will eventully get tired..."
"Maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we’ve been dealt, and accessorize what we’ve got." — Carrie
"I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet." — Carrie

Why are men so lazy!

#epicfail to the eternal laziness of men in the department of romance.

Ok so this post goes against everything I learned this morning in my HR video on pluralistic communication and it is very sexist of me to group all men together and call them lazy but... OH WELL.

I have a friend who opened up to me about 6 months ago about a friend she had who she really cared about and frankly wants to marry. The problem is they were stuck in the friend zone and she did not know how to move forward into a more romantic relationship without the all too dreaded risk of losing him. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I encouraged her to take that chance and be open and honest with him about her feelings (in hopes that he would confess his undying love for her as well).

But things did not really go as planned. He did not return her feelings and I, of course, felt terrible for being the one to cause her heart to be broken by him.

Well to fast forward from December to now, he has finally told her that he loves her! Of course I was ecstatic because I just absolutely love a good romance success story. But my question is, why did it take 6 months for any progress???

The answer to the question Why are Men so Lazy? can be found at this site for dating and relationship tips & advice. They bring up a good point because they remind us that men are designed as hunters. So while we were out being busy bodies, picking the nuts and berries they were out being still and calm, hunting their prey. So we may be more aggressive naturally, and what we take as laziness may just be them taking there time. Some men really need to get their ducks in a row before they fully committ to us in the way that we want. And that, I believe, is comendable.

Don't get me wrong though, some men are just lazy. They've gotten complacent in the current state of the relationship and are ok with the lack of progression. So don't let that happen to you!

Here are a few tips from the site on how to keep this from happening:
1. Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn't like them
2. Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
3. Never become lazy yourself
4. Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
5. Don't always return his phone calls
6. Ensure you retain male friends you had before
7. Do not run around after him
8. Find his weak spots and use them when need be
9. Don't be at his beck and call
10. Go on vacation with your friends

I Like it Thug Style

So I've been watching The VH1 Hip Hop Honors... and I've rediscovered how much I love "thugs". Well I'm not sure if thug is the right word to use, but that's the word I'm going to use.

So I'm not sure if it's the swag that fellas from the dirty south have or if it's just that country grammar accent that I love, but there's just something about the TIs and Nelly's of the world. I just love Nelly. I think because I used to have Nelly posters all in my walk in closet all of this just reminds me of middle school. Good times... just chillin watchin music videos in the morning before school.

Kind of like this girl, I am not a hood girl. I am very conservative and reserved and some might even say boojee. When Bow Wow had "Ghetto Girls", I was so sad because I loved him and I loved the song, but I knew I wasn't a ghetto girl... smh. But in my heart of hearts I wanted to be that for LBW.

But what is it about these hood boys that make us love them so much??? I am typically attracted to guys with much more... cleanliness (is the only word i could think of), but there's just somethin about the dirrty south that gets me every time.

Top 10 Favorite Things About Hood Boys
1. (i'll be the last to admit it but) tattoos
2. muscles (and lots of them)
3. that southern accent mixed with bad grammar
4. white tube socks with adidas sandals
5. the swag (gotta love it)
6. the cheap, practical cars (on 22s)
7. the way they can gulp down red kool aid like it's water
8. the way they really love their mama
9. the way they take control and tell you what to do
10. they all seem to know how to rap

Nighttime Rituals

As women, we put our hair through so much during the daytime just to be presentable, for ourselves, and for our public image, but mostly for men. Men love long, beautiful, flowing hair. They want our hair to look like the celebrities they see on t.v., in music videos and in movies.



The trick to having your hair look so fabulous in the daytime is to take care of it at night. Brush it, comb it, oil it, wrap it. Whatever your nighttime hair care regimen is, we all have some sort of routine.



In order for our hair to come out soft and silky in the morning we have to tie it down at night so it doesn't get out of control. And that means going to bed looking any kind of way
And sometimes we even end up looking like this...


But I've noticed that it's not just hair. Everyone goes to bed and has some sort of nighttime regimen that they do. I usually wrap my hair, wash my face, brush my teeth, floss, and put lotion on. And nighttime rituals are good! The really help soothe the transition to sleep.

But I wonder what guys think about all of our habits and how we sometimes look crazy at night. I used to wake up early and unwrap my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face so that I didn't have crust all in my eyes by the time he woke up. And theoretically you could do that, but that gets old and after a while you just don't care!

What do you think about rollers and night scarves to bed? Does practicality trump being "sexy"???