Roommate Rules

I recently moved into an apartment with two of my closest friends. I was so excited! My first apartment - the official transition from the twin bed to the full. A kitchen. A washer and dryer. A full size fridge. These were all things I had missed while living on campus (though I enjoyed my time there) and had saved to thoroughly enjoy in my senior year. What I didn't expect, however, was how living in an apartment would change my relationship with my roomies. But I quickly learned that living with roommates can truly prepare you for living with a future mate.

Like I said, these are not random roommates, these are close friends, so this is not a blog to bash them, nor am I saying they are terrible roommates. I am simply expressing the fact that in every relationship there must be communication, cooperation, and consideration. These three Cs will ease almost any living situation!

Communication is key to express your thoughts. I suck at expressing myself to those I love. I am a Communication Studies major and have little to no problem expressing myself in many aspects of my life. But for some strange reason I avoid communicating with the people closest to me at all costs. I am terrified of hurting their feelings or damaging the relationship so I usually tend to keep my feelings to myself. But it is important to speak up! (I'm learning and trying) If you feel a certain way, but don't tell your roommate, they will never know! So you may be upset that they left the dishes in the sink, but if you never tell them they'll have no idea.

Cooperation is also imperative to have a successful roommie relationship. For instance, I got so upset that the trash was just piling up, but one day I just asked myself, "What's more important - being upset that no one took the trash out or having no piles of trash in the house?" And as it turns out, taking the trash out myself made me feel much better than waiting around on someone else to do it. So sometimes you just have to work together and realize that the other person is not trying to do the little things that annoy you on purpose, they may have just had a busy day. Just be grateful that leaving the toilet seat up is not an issue (yet)!

Consideration is the last of the 3 Cs and probably the most important. Keep in mind that you are probably doing things to annoy them too. Wouldn't you want them to be considerate of your feelings and respectful of your needs. Most people in college nowadays grew up with a room to their selves and are not used to sharing space with people who do things completely different. We all grew up in different households and have been taught to do things differently. You have to learn to be considerate of each other and work things out.

Living with a roommate is the closest thing to being married as you're gonna get (without getting married). Think of it as your dress rehearsal and treat your roommates as you would want to be treated. The most important thing to remember is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and it's all small stuff!). That's not only the title of an excellent book, but it is also very true and very applicable. So the next time your roomie (or hubby) leaves a load in the dryer for three days, ask yourself, "In the grand scheme of things, does it matter??" NO!

PS - I love my Girlfriends

Back to School... Back to Boys!

So it's that time of year again... time to hit the books and focus. While some of you may choose to focus on your studies, others will focus on finding a new boo.

Whether you're starting kindergarten or going for your Master's, there's just something about the school year that sparks the desire to start everything in your life fresh and new. You buy new clothes, get a new hair cut, and sometimes a new bf/gf. But before you get back I have a few tips for you (and reminders for me ;) ).

1. Unless you're a freshman, don't hunt out the freshies!
I know it is very tempting to us all when you see new people (prey) on campus, but try to refrain. Sophomore year it's not so bad, junior year it's a little risky, but for those of us who will be seniors in the fall... STOP! It's not cool to be a cougar in college. When you've been there and done that, it's kind of hard to go through those growing pains with someone else. You need someone who is on your level and is going in the same direction as you.

2. Don't let dating distract you (too much) from your school work
It's important to have fun in college, but you should also keep in mind why you're there in the first place. Relationships in school can consume your spare time and replace the much-needed libarary time. I hate to sound parental, but you gotta take a step back and remember to stay focused. If you still want to have a little companionship maybe you try a study date or meet up for things like lunch or gym time that are already in your schedule.

3. Don't go for the same guys as your friends, it won't end well
When school begins it's hot and everything's beautiful, and you line up with your friends and pick out who gets who. But just make sure you don't all go for the same person. You may jokingly agree that "(S)he's fine" but when somebody gets serious things could get ugly.

Summer Vacay Update

At the beginning of the summer I did a post on Summer Vacations and I had every intention of going on one myself, but that didn't quite happen... but I wanted to do an update on the couple's trip since the summer's almost over and the beach trips are coming to a close.

Going on a couples trip can either go really wrong or really well. It will either bring you closer or farther apart. So it is very important to make sure it is something you are both ready for - financially and emotionally. Before you go on the trip you should be able to answer Yes to these three questions: 1) Can you spend more than 24 hours with this person? 2) Can you afford this trip? 3) Do you love this person? If the answer to these three questions is yes than you are probably in for a good trip. But if the answer to just one of these questions is no, then you're probably headed for a disaster.

If the roadtrip was not a disaster you have that as a milestone in your relationship to always remember. It is a huge roadblock that you've accomplished with ease, so pat yourselves on the back. You can now pass Go and collect $200. Feel free to post a Facebook album full of pictures for everyone to stalk you on and be jealous! But once you've taken care of that don't forget to send a love note. It's important to show your appreciation for a successful, stress-free getaway with your significant other. You've probably both been working hard all summer and really needed that time away together. So don't take for granted the fact that the trip went well or even happened at all. Via Facebook, e-mail, or snail mail tell your loved one that you enjoyed the time you spent, that the trip was lovely and well-planned, and that you can't wait to do it again. (only say this if you mean it) He or she will really appreciate the acknowledgement and will probably start planning the next trip right away.

If the roadtrip was a disaster. There is no need to run for the phonebook and seek couple's therapy and you don't necessarily have to break up right away. I do know one couple in particular who almost broke off their engagement because of roadtrip rage, but they are now still engaged and happy and have just realized how to better travel together. You have to completely assess the situation and decide if the issues that came up on the trip are major or minor. If the issues you had are major then you should probably talk about whether or not you should be together. But if the issues you had are minor then you need to talk about how to fix them and have a better trip next time. The key is to talk. Don't just ignore the problems and act like everything went well. It is, however, okay to tell your friends everything went well. They're just being nosey and there's no need to bring roadtrip drama home.


Below are a few Road Trip Tips for Couples who may venture out in the future.
1. Plan your trip together
2. Don't turn a roadtrip into a chore
3. While you're on the road, lavish your partner with extra consideration and kindness
4. Assign responsibilities, and then resist the temptation to interfere with how tasks are accomplished
5. Think carefully about the driving, as this is the biggest single task on a road trip
6. Don't let the grouchies get the upper hand
7. Keep a journal, and if you take pictures, take the time to organize them into an easy-to-enjoy format (i.e. Shutterfly's Photo Books)
8. Remember that the journey's the thing

Aren't ya glad you didn't marry HIM!!!

Can you imagine what it would be like if you had married all of your exes? Or even worse, if you'd had kids with them? I think I have pretty good taste and pretty high standards, but when I look at where some of my exes are now ... boy am I grateful they're exes!

At the time, break-ups seem like the worst possible scenario ever. You still love, or at least care about the person and can't imagine them being a part of your past instead of your future. But hindsight is 20/20! When you bump into your exes at the grocery store or in the mall and you see what they look like now! Whew! Dodged a bullet!

I have three exes in particular that just make me shake my head and wonder where they went wrong. I would just like to say that they were good, upstanding young men when I was with them.

1. I recently discovered that one of my exes has transformed into a wanna-be Thug. He had his shirt tucked in when he was with me! I actually met him at a Young Writer's summer program at the community college. And I had to break up with him because he was so much of a momma's boy! She wouldn't hardly let him do anything and I just couldn't handle that. But look at him now. One of my best friends sent me his Facebook pics and it is a shame! I almost started crying looking at how much he has changed for the worse. I'm not going to say his name, but let me say that it is not at all hood or thug or "goon status". Gold chains, gold teeth, and all tatted up! Thank goodness I broke up with him when I did!

2. One of my exes is rumored to be a homosexual (Gay). He never told me that he was/is, so I always say "allegedly" or "supposedly" until it's confirmed firsthand. But I must admit that he was very emotional and open and available and I just thought he was sensitive because he was raised by his mother and grandmother, but... who knows. He did get his hair cut every week, whiten his teeth, and take longer to get ready then me, but... who knows. He was a great boyfriend though, knew me inside/out. But I broke up with him because I wanted to start dating someone else, so I guess I'll never know...

3. One of my other exes is now somebody's Baby daddy. :( I'm not trying to judge or say I wouldn't date someone with a kid, but I'm just sayin you can't afford me if you're buyin Huggies!!! I am pretty high-maintenance and I'm not afraid to say it. I have been spoiled by my parents, my sister, and my last boyfriend and I cannot go down from that. There's no turning back. I just don't see how you can afford to take me out when you've got to dish out the child support! Maybe when I get older more men my age will have babies, but for now I can date single men without children. He did try to talk to me again when I saw him at a party, and I was reminded of how sweet and cute he was, but I just kept thinking Huggies, Huggies...

Celebreality

Kim Kardashian is the #1 fantasy of men across the country and perhaps even the world. And she's also a fantasy for many women. Men fantasize about being with her while women fantasize about being her.

Love her or hate her you cannot hate on her body. She's in shape, but still has the curves. She has fortune and fame and it seems like she couldn't want for more. I was watching the Kourtney & Khloe show today and I just realized that celebrities have so many insecurities and face some of the same issues that we do. It was a really crazy moment because we go to the gym (or do the Kim Kardashian workout DVDs) and spend hours on end trying to get the bodies in the magazines, but the very people who have those bodies (some with the help of airbrushing) still don't have it all!

Kim confided (on national tv) in a friend that she didn't feel like she would meet anyone after Reggie (Bush). And I thought Wow if Kim Kardashian doesn't think she can find anyone than there must be no hope for the rest of us! But clearly she's a person. A human being. Not the mega superstar who poses for all of the magazines. She is a real person who faces the same issues we all do - finding someone to settle down with and live happily ever after with (just like in the fairytales). On the show she spoke about how she had hoped to be married, have one kid and another on the way by the time she was 30. Kim, who will turn 30 in October, is nowhere near the soccer mom track, but who knows what the future holds. For her, or for those of us who envy her.


Celebrity Soccer Mom's who (seem to) have it all:
1. Jennifer Garner
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Kendra Wilkinson
4. Kimora Lee Simmons
5. Jada Pinkett-Smith
6. Christina Aguilera
7. Nicole Ritchie
8. Jessica Alba
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Katie Holmes

Career Crossroads

Flight Attendant, Lawyer, Photographer, Journalist. Though I've had several dreams and aspirations of what to be when I "grow up", I pretty much had it settled that I would become a reporter by eighth grade. Most men, however, are still figuring it out... Why?!

Why is it that men always seem to be wandering through life aimlessly or chasing some pipe dream? Meanwhile, women are so focused on chasing their careers that they have absolutely no time to chase (or be chased by) a man.

I'm not sure if it began with Rosie the Riveter or if it started when mass amounts of women went to work in the 80s, but somewhere along the way women took over the corporate world. It seems to me that women are just much more focused on their careers than men, starting as early as high school. Women are more focused and concerned about applying to colleges, taking all the AP classes, and getting a high GPA to get into the best schools possible. Men wait until the last possible minute to apply to colleges, are less likely to take AP or Dual Enrollment courses, and tend not to put forth the extra effort in class and just do enough to get by.

Then once we get to college, the proof is in the pudding. The proportion of men to women at universities and colleges today is unbelievable. "There are more men than women ages 18-24 in the USA — 15 million vs. 14.2 million, according to a Census Bureau estimate last year. But nationally, the male/female ratio on campus today is 43/57, a reversal from the late 1960s and well beyond the nearly even splits of the mid-1970s." (USA Today) At my school the statistics are worse than the national average, at only 31% male.

This recent trend presents us with several problems in our love lives. For starters, if men are flaky and women are focused in their career worlds than they will be the same way in their relationships. Men will treat the relationship as something casual and less concrete until they have narrowed in on a career path. They cannot fully commit to you until they no what their purpose in life is and how they can adequately provide for you. It's in their nature. We are not historically, the head of the household, so we tend to be less concerned with the weight that comes with trying to provide for a family.

Another issue with this is the fact that it forces women to choose between their romance and their careers. It's difficult for women to find love when they are surrounded by men who are going nowhere fast. We need partners who will uplift us, encourage us, inspire us. But instead we end up motivating them into a career. Eventually either he leaves because he feels inferior or she leaves in search of someone on her level. It's a lose-lose situation either way.

This is a never-ending issue that we all face at one point or another, but all we can do is be patient. Keep chasing your dream and your dream guy will appear at the right time. But whatever you do, never settle for less than your best.