Money Matters Monday: Pump or Pay?

Is chivalry dead? And if it is, do we care??? Should a man pump and/or pay for gas? Does it matter anymore?

In this day and age, women are becoming more independent in heterosexual relationships and most couples share duties and responsibilities (or at least attempt to do so). Independent women across the world and specifically in America, are now learning to do things on their own that were once considered men's chores.

Take out the trash. Kill the bugs. Wash the cars. Pump the gas. We have asked so much of men in exchange for a few home-cooked meals and a clean house. We have asked them to do all of the dirty, grimy jobs because we were previously considered weak, dainty, and frail. But now words like strong and powerful are being associated with females as well as males. We are finding our strength in many aspects of our lives, but are there still some things that we expect a man to do?

My childhood upbringing tells me that the man in the relationship should always pump AND pay for the gas whenever present. I grew up with pretty conservative, traditional ideals, but the older I get, the more I lean towards a more liberal view on traditional male and female roles. And experiencing life as a single, black female in my twenties is teaching me to do things on my own. Learning to live life without leaning on my parents or a man has lead me to merge my traditional values with my recent feminist beliefs.

As far as pumping goes, I think that it would be nice and respectful for any man (cousin, brother, boyfriend, or dad) to pump gas for a lady, especially in the colder winter months. This tradition originally began because gas pumps were not as user-friendly as they are now. But I think it's still nice.

In terms of who should pay for the gas when dating, it depends. I would like to say that the man pays every time (because I'm a woman), but that's just unfair and unreasonable for any man. If it's my car and I am the one driving it, then I should not expect you to pay just because you happen to be riding in the car with me when I need to fill up. That's a little rude. BUT if you are borrowing my car or we are running earrands for you, you should AT LEAST offer to pay for gas. I don't know if anyone has noticed but gas is expensive nowadays!

According to AAA's Daily Fuel Gauge Report, the national average for gas prices is $3.04 for regular. The national average was $2.86 a month ago and $2.59 just a year ago. Meanwhile, I remember when it was only 99 cents. Gas prices reached $4.11 in 2008! If I'm taking you to work and to your mama's house and everywhere else you need to go, these favors don't come cheap. I also think it's only fair to offer gas money when someone has had to travel a long distance for a date or visit. But that should go for both men and women.

Comments from Fluther.com:

Your girlfriend is driving the car. Who pumps the gas?

In my case, it would be my wife driving the car and it would be me getting out to pump the gas.

A. Because it is the gentlemanly thing to do
B. The gas is going on my debit card anyway and it’s in my wallet
C. Refer to answer ‘A’

I can pump my own gas, thanks. Seriously though, bring me sour patch watermelons and a sour cherry slurpee. One of those metal straws that get super cold is a bonus. =]


If the tank is on the passenger side i will think about it (depending on my money situation) if not then i just sit there and wait, maybe go inside to get her a drink or something.

Here's what you said on Facebook!

SBC: If I am driving and a man is in the car, then he should pump the gas at the station.

Money Matters Monday: When 2 Become 1

While I am not quite ready for marriage... I do like to occassionally get my ducks in a row (or at least think about doing so) in the meantime. For the Money Matters Monday segment I want to focus on money and relationships. When it comes to love and loot, Are you Financially ready to join another person?

When you're single, you can be as frivolous with money as you want. Go out to eat all you want. Buy those fabulous pairs of shoes and the matching handbags. You can loan money to friends and you can basically live month to month, paycheck to paycheck without concern for saving for the future. But if you have any plans for co-habitating, getting married, or having a family in the future you may want to consider some financial planning.

Knowing where you stand in terms of fiscal fitness will help with your relationship because you will be well-equipped to join forces with another person if you plan for that future now. You may be dating someone now or you may be single, but either way when the time comes for you to buy a house, plan a wedding, have kids, and send those kids to college, you want to be financially able to do so. One of my favorite sayings is, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

It would be beneficial to have an emergency fund for a rainy day, a retirement fund, or at least a savings account. Years fly by and before you know it you look up and you are at the stage in your life that you remember only dreaming about. Even if you don't think you want to get married or have kids, wouldn't it be better to just save up for these things just in case they happen?

If, for instance, a couple began saving just $50 each per month six months into the relationship and dated for five and a half years before getting engaged, they would have $6000 saved for a wedding. Personally, I don't think weddings should cost that much, but the average wedding cost is estimated between $14,868 and $24,476 (excluding the cost for engagement rings and a honeymoon)!

And don't forget about kids! About half of Americans choose to have children and about half do not, but if you do decide to have children, that also impacts your finances. Raising a kid from birth to age 18 will cost an estimated $178,590! And that is not including the cost of college.

While getting married and having kids may not sound like financial decisions they are actually all dollars and cents (and love and emotion lol). So take some time to plan ahead! Depending on what stage in your life you are currently, your financial plan and goals will vary, but just make sure you put a plan in action. Don't just stop there, actually follow through!

There are 5 Main Steps in the Financial Planning Process (Kewon, 2007)

1. Evaluate Your Financial Health
2. Define Your Financial Goals
3. Develop a Plan of Action
4. Implement Your Plan
5. Review Your Progress, Reevaluate, and Revise Your Plan

The Unhappy Un-Anniversary

So what do you do when a certain day of the year comes around and you suddenly remember that it used to be significant? You're just walking around all day remembering that date... but that date that was once so special is now just another day. . .

Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary

    - Ne-yo, "So Sick" lyrics

Forgetting the date is better than remembering the date. Remembering the date makes the whole day one big depressing re-run. You end up just walking around aimlessly angry at every happy couple. The key to making it through this day is to try to remember to forget it. But if you can't seem to avoid calendars and other reminders, just live in the depression. It can be purifying to allow yourself to feel these emotions. Call your best friend and tell them what the day is or was and what it means to you and how it makes you feel. Get those thoughts outside of your head and that could be just the cure for your heartache. Sometimes when you're going through a break up you don't really mourn the relationship because you're trying to convince yourself you're okay and "happy" being single. But when the anniversary rolls around you remember that you haven't had a chance to feel your feelings. So take this day and allow yourself to be all in your feelings.

But don't wallow too long! You can't allow the sadness to affect your overall state of mind. He who angers you, controls you. It is very important to move on and not let this one date on the calendar affect your whole day. Don't spend the day wondering what they're doing, what they're thinking and if they're hurting like you are. Instead, try to distract yourself from this day. Do what you normally do or do something new and exciting! Just make sure you have a good day and most of all, RELAX.

Relationships are hard and break-ups are harder and sometimes it can take you longer than you'd expect to get over someone. Someone once said it takes half the length of the relationship to get over your ex. So if you were together for four years it could take two years to fully recover! That seems like a really long time so in the meantime, you just have to be patient with yourself. Be understanding when it gets a little difficult. Just have a strong support system of friends and family who can help you remember that everything happens for a reason.

Top Ten Things Not to do on your Un-Anniversary

1. Take long walks near bridges
2. Watch Romantic Comedies
3. Hang out with friends who are in relationships
4. Drunk dial your ex
5. Drunk text your ex
6. Flip through old pictures from the "good times"
7. Go on a shopping spree that you can't afford
8. Stuff your face with chocolate and ice cream
9. Go on a first date
10. Facebook stalk your ex and/or their new boo

Here's what you said on Facebook!

SIV:   What do you do when your ex-anniversary comes around...? How do you handle it?

JB:     text him and say happy friendaversary :)
AW:   Go out. get trashed. & never look back <3.