Facebook Official

In this day and age, every major event in your life must be appropriately and immediately documented via Facebook. This social networking site must be the first to be notified of every significant event and decision. This is true for your love life as well.

Everyone always wants to know your relationship status at any given point. And your relationship, whether it's been five weeks or five years, is not validated unless it's "Facebook Official".


Whenever you're in relationship purgatory and there are no particular "titles" explaining and describing your relationhip to other people it can be difficult. Telling a story about your significant other you want to say "My boyfriend said such and such" but technically he's not your boyfriend. Someone asks you if you're in a relationship and you take a long pause. You want to say yes, but the true answer is no, but you're so confused about the blurred lines that you end up saying "uh, yeah kinda". And then you stare off into space wondering how the person you're speaking of would answer the question if/when someone asks them...?

The ups and downs of relationships are only compounded by the publicity of constant notications of "single", "in a relationship", and the ever-dreaded "it's complicated" status. Many are now opting to remove the relationship status alltogether to alleviate the woes of putting your business out there. Choosing not to list whether or not you are in a relationship or who you're in a relationship with can rid you of the constant questioning of your relationship status from your facebook friends, but it can also lead to another problem.

When you are in a relationship the first question you get is, "Is it Facebook Official?". And the answer to that question determines the legitimacy of your relationship in the eyes of the facebook world. But if you really care about someone, and they care about you, that's all that should matter. Labels and titles are beautiful and important to define the parameters of your relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, they only matter in terms of marriage.

So I vote for a new "courting" option of relationship status! What do you think? Is your relationship legit even if it's not Facebook Official?

Summer Vacation

It's that time of year again! The time all college students leave their cares behind and head for some beach somewhere. Cancun. St. Thomas. Miami. Jamaica. The point is to get away and leave all of the stressors of school behind you. After exams are finally over, you may think it's a good idea to go on a vacation with your boyfriend, but is that really for the best??

Sometimes, it can be too early in the relationship to take such a big step. Going on vacation is difficult enough with your family, (insert horrible childhood road trip experience here) so you have to be sure that you are 100% ready to attempt something like this with your significant other. You really learn what someone's made of when you are stuck in a car with them (or on a plane, or on a train...). I have gotten in several fights over directions going a few miles up the street, so that's definitely not what you want on a long distance trip!

While going on vacation with your boo can have negative outcomes, it could have a very positive one as well. Going away together could be a great way to see his habits in a way that you would if you were to live together, without the messiness of moving in, splitting bills, and getting in over your head! On the trip, pay attention to how he brushes his teeth. If he squeezes the toothpaste down to the end and you don't like that, take note. And it's up to you to decide if that's something you can live with or not, but at least now you'll know!

Another thing to be mindful of is how he handles certain situations. For instance, if there is an unforseen issue with the hotel reservation and he blows up on the front desk clerk, that may be a red flag for you! Take note of how he interacts in this situation because it is when people are out of their element that they are most likely to show their true colors.

Susan Johnston, a freelance writer who covers career and lifestyle topics, had a great article on Taking Your First Vacation Together.

Her top 4 suggestions were:
1. Agree on a destination
2. Start small
3. Allow for time apart
4. Decide on who's paying for what before you leave

I think all four recommendations are appropriate, but my two favorite are #2 and #4. There is nothing worse, than fighting about money on a trip that is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Work out all of the details at home in a way that is civil and fair for both parites. While many of my friends recommended a trip to Vegas or a cruise to the islands (and that sounds nice), I am a firm believer in putting your pinkie toe in the water before you dive in! If you start out small and are successful, there's always room for bigger & better trips together!

But the most important thing when going on your first "sleep away" trip is to HAVE FUN!!!

Apples on Trees

I received the following message today from a friend and it really made me think...

"Women are like the apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones, because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them when in reality they are amazing! They have to wait for the right guy to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb to the top of the tree!"

What do you think? I think this is very true. It makes me sad, because who has the time, energy, or patience to wait forever, but it is pretty true.

Should a Woman Wait on a Man to "grow up"???

Girls mature faster then boys.

That's what we all hear as little girls as an explanation for why it is that boys are still so playful and immature when we have become more sophisticated and mature.

But does that rule still apply when we become adults? As men and women do we still have to wait a few years for him to catch up? Are we stuck rolling our eyes as he plays video games all day and all night instead of working?

This question came up in a relationship open forum I went to recently and it was a big debate between the guys and the girls. The guys were too offended at the question to even acknowledge it. For some strange reason they thought it was absurd that they could even be considered immature. And the girls just decided that they shouldn't have to wait because that was too unfair.

The truth of the matter is, we don't have a choice. If you are with someone that you truly care about and you know that he is "The One" for you and only you, but he is not "ready", then you have to wait. The only other option is to leave him and move on.

One of my favorite blogs talks about how difficult it is for men to make the decision to settle down. According to him, they have to answer two questions: 1) Is she really that special woman? 2) Am I ready for that special woman?

I love this blog because when you think of it from a man's perspective it all makes sense! It is important to be sure beyond measure that she is the one before you invest all of your time, money, and energy into her. And once you figure out that she is the one, it's most important to know if you are actually ready to handle everything that comes with the responsibility and full commitment of a monogamous relationship.

Here's what he said about settling down...

The question is, "Is he worth sticking around for???" You have to ask yourself that in order to determine if you are making the right decision.

If he is worth it then there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until he's ready. Don't allow yourself to be strung along! I am by no means saying that. But... remember that anything worth having, is worth waiting for.

The Body Image Issue

In today's society life is hard enough trying to climb the ladder of success and make it on the treadmill of life. But once you clock out from that part of your day, you've got also got to climb the stairmaster and get on the actual treadmill. If you want to attract your perfect soul mate (or stay attractive to the one you've got) you have to maintain a certain body image or type. Or at least that's what society keeps telling us.

You have to try to cram in some gym time into your day even though as is, you don't have time to sit and breathe. You've got to carve out at least 30 minutes to an hour to work on getting that beach body so you can look right and trap (I mean catch) a man.

But the funny thing is, while we're going on the latest low carb, low fat, low cal, no sugar, no sodium diet, the guys are having some body issues too. They worry about having those sexy abs like the men in the magazines. While we're just trying to flatten and tone, they're chugging protein shakes and pumping iron in efforts to look good for us!

So why don't we all just go get some Ben n Jerry's and chill out!

P.S. - We condone a healthy lifestyle. Don't go too far one way or the other.

Swiper NOO Swiping!

So as most of you know, Longwood University is switching to a One-Card system in the fall (hopefully). The new system is really cool because you can use your card to do laundry (bye bye quarters!:), get a drink or snack from the vending machine, or even go out to a fancy shmancy restraunt and have dinner with your Lancer ID!

This has actually been a long and drawn out process that has been in the works for years and it is way overdue. Just about every other school in the state has this type of system available to students and I think it's about time we join in on all the swiping fun!

When I initially covered the story I just covered the newsy stuff with the 4Ws and the H. You can check the story out here...



But afterwards I got to thinking about the social implications of this amazing new system. And I thought about how it might affect the dating scene...

Will this be the new cop out for guys and dating? Will it become taboo to use your ID card to pay for a date? Or will it be acceptable now that you can use it for more than just the dining hall and a few other select dining options????

So I sought out a guy's perspective and a girl's perspective before I made the call on this one. The male perspective is junior Jeffrey Ryan and the female perspective is junior Tate Leftwich, both students will be here next year to reap the benefits of this new One-Card system.

SIV: Have you ever swiped your id card for a date?

JR: Yeah, I do it all the time! Moe's is expensive!

SIV: How will the additonal options on the id card help you in terms of dating?

JR: It's not going to help my dating game, but it would be a good thing.

SIV: So what are your thoughts on swiping and dating?

JR: There's nothing wrong with it. One shouldn't be considered cheap because he took a girl the union (The Student Union Cafe')

SIV: When do you think it's ok to swipe on a date?

TL: If you were dating I think that would be kind of o.k. (but not on the first date) It doesn't substitute for a restraunt or going out to eat

SIV: How do you think this new and improved card will help students in terms of dating?

TL: I think it would just make it more convenient

SIV: Would it change your opinion of a guy if he paid with his Lancer Bucks (i.d. card) instead of his debit or credit card?

TL: We're all in college so we have an excuse at times to be a little cheap.

So even though this new card will allow you to use your card at vendors like Charley's Waterfront Cafe', Mulligan's Sports Grille, Papa John's, and Shoney's, it doesn't necessarily make it o.k. to use it their on dates.

I think if you're out with friends it's perfectly fine, but definitely NO FIRST DATES FELLAS!!! I think the first date is the opportunity for you to prove that you can afford to pay for at least one meal. And even though you are theoretically in a round about way still paying for the money on your card... it doesn't count! Not in this particular situation. The first date is cash or credit only. It just would look a little tacky to pull out your id card when the check comes.

Now if you have been dating, on the other hand, you should be comfortable enough where it doesn't really matter who pays or how it gets paid as long as someone pays for the meal. Using your i.d. card may simply be more convenient for the fellas than always using the debit or credit card. Plus, ladies, you want a man with good credit so using the card that already has cash on it might be better than charging all of those meals in the long run!

So overall this will be a good thing for us all, but just don't go the cheap, easy route on the first date. After that, ladies, we should be grateful that he's still paying, even if it is on his Lancer Card! Nowadays the Independent Woman Movement has come back like a boomerang to bite us in the butt and some guys just don't want to pay anymore at all! Ladies are paying now. So perhaps this new card system will be the great equalizer for us all.

Valentine's Shmalentine's!

Love
The four-letter word that many fear to say
The four-letter word too many give away
On this Hallmark holiday that we've deamed V-Day
Some will be happy, some will be sad
Some will have boyfriend, some will have dad
Some will have no one, some will have friends
It's just another day, no matter how it ends.

As Valentine's Day approaches and I am constantly reminded of this watered-down excuse of a holiday, I just shake my head. SMH. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween... all of these have become commercialized by society, but they all at least began with a legitimate purpose. Christmas, Jesus. Thanksgiving, Appreciation. Halloween, Honoring the dead. Valentine's Day.... ????

At the end of the day it's just another day that we hype up a month in advance in attempts to make money, making people feel bad in the mean time. Men dread it because it means they have to be extra nice and romantic for no legitimate reason like a birthday or anniversary. Women dread it because if you're in a relationship he'll forget, and if you're not... well you're not! And not having someone to share this ridiculous holiday with is just down right depressing.

I am taking this weekend, not as Singles Awareness Day or Valentine's Day, but as Women's Empowerment Weekend! I am going to watch The Princess and the Frog on Friday to remind me that I, like Tiana, should focus on accomplishing my own dreams before obsessing over the whole Prince Charming concept. On Saturday I am treating myself to dinner and a movie with my roommate! And even though we're going to watch "Valentine's Day" and have our angry-man-hating moments, we will be happy because we will be together. (Plus romatic comedies give you hope... false hope, but hope nonetheless). On Sunday, I will conclude my Women's Empowerment Weekend with the Vagina Monologues! A play that really gets to the heart of women's issues and will hopefully bring good closure to our V-Day.

And as much as I would like a dozen roses on February 14th, I know that that's not going to happen! So instead of being upset and getting all worked up about this that and the other, why don't we all just have a really great weekend!