Is it wise to give advice???

"I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

As someone who writes a relationship advice column you may find it hard to believe, but I do not like giving advice. Well at least not to my friends. I end up attempting to do so anyway, but it is not exactly my favorite thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about relationships and having discussions about life and love. The issue with advice is it never really works to your advantage when you weigh in on a friend's love life.

I figured I can't be the only one with this problem, so for this post I've come up with a few guidelines for giving your friend advice on the matters of the heart. You've got to take a LAP!

Listen to them. Sometimes they just need to talk.
Accept the fact that they may not take your advice.
Provide options and alternatives for them.

When people come to you with issues or problems with their significant other it's easy to want to tell them what you think, but the truth of the matter is THEY JUST DON'T CARE! They want to vent and get something off their chest, but they do not want to hear your opinion. So to avoid giving out unwanted or unsolicited advice, the first thing you should say to your friend is "Do you want my opinion or do you just want to talk?" That way you know what to do up front and can better help your friend. If they want advice, give it! But if they just want a listening ear, you have got to do just that. Listen. Don't get emotionally involved. And don't be surprised when she stays with him after he did that horrible thing that made her so upset.

Another fact is, when people are having problems, they don't want to DO anything. True friends and family members always want to fix things. But you can't always fix things, especially if the friend doesn't want to do anything to change the situation they're in. You can offer advice and solutions and have charts and graphs and it won't matter one bit! At the end of the day, people do what they want to do and are with who they want to be with. So stop stressing yourself with their love life and just be there for your family member or friend.

"Advice is what we [friends] ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
— Erica Jong

Here's what you said on Facebook!
Should you give your friends relationship advice?
Marie Scearce: "No cause then they never take it when they ask u"

Why are men so lazy!

#epicfail to the eternal laziness of men in the department of romance.

Ok so this post goes against everything I learned this morning in my HR video on pluralistic communication and it is very sexist of me to group all men together and call them lazy but... OH WELL.

I have a friend who opened up to me about 6 months ago about a friend she had who she really cared about and frankly wants to marry. The problem is they were stuck in the friend zone and she did not know how to move forward into a more romantic relationship without the all too dreaded risk of losing him. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I encouraged her to take that chance and be open and honest with him about her feelings (in hopes that he would confess his undying love for her as well).

But things did not really go as planned. He did not return her feelings and I, of course, felt terrible for being the one to cause her heart to be broken by him.

Well to fast forward from December to now, he has finally told her that he loves her! Of course I was ecstatic because I just absolutely love a good romance success story. But my question is, why did it take 6 months for any progress???

The answer to the question Why are Men so Lazy? can be found at this site for dating and relationship tips & advice. They bring up a good point because they remind us that men are designed as hunters. So while we were out being busy bodies, picking the nuts and berries they were out being still and calm, hunting their prey. So we may be more aggressive naturally, and what we take as laziness may just be them taking there time. Some men really need to get their ducks in a row before they fully committ to us in the way that we want. And that, I believe, is comendable.

Don't get me wrong though, some men are just lazy. They've gotten complacent in the current state of the relationship and are ok with the lack of progression. So don't let that happen to you!

Here are a few tips from the site on how to keep this from happening:
1. Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn't like them
2. Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
3. Never become lazy yourself
4. Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
5. Don't always return his phone calls
6. Ensure you retain male friends you had before
7. Do not run around after him
8. Find his weak spots and use them when need be
9. Don't be at his beck and call
10. Go on vacation with your friends