The Single Girl's Guide to V-Day

Valentine's Day used to be an equal opportunity holiday. It was fair back in first grade when everyone brought valentines for everyone and you were almost certain to get your choice of chocolate candy. There was no competition. There was no bitterness. There was no us versus them. It was fair. But now that we're older and everyone has paired off (or not paired off) it's not so fair anymore. If you're in a relationship or even talking to someone you can pretty much assume that Valentine's Day will consist of more than a depressing movie and a gallon of ice cream. You don't have to worry about pretending to be okay with it because you actually will be okay. But if you are single... oh if you are single... you get attacked by bears and candy and aisles of all red and pink as soon as Christmas is over! You plot and plan how you can get a man in those few short weeks so you're not alone on V-Day.

But I've got news for you! We don't have to live like this any longer! Don't let one day take over your mind! Whether you're single, dating, or even if it's complicated, I promise you February 14th will come and go and we will all make it. Instead of building up this day in your mind to be bigger than it really is, try starting a new tradition. As corny and depressing as it sounds, be your own Valentine! Do something for yourself and appreciate it. If the day is supposed to be about love then perhaps we should all start with loving ourselves. After all, no one can or will love you if you do not truly love yourself.

Another good thing about V-Day is that you don't have to be that annoying lovey dovey couple that ditches their friends for a Hallmark holiday. Spend Valentine's with your girlfriends! Take the time to do something for someone else. Send your friend a Valentine's Day card. Go out to a good movie. Whether it's a chick flick or if you're feeling more like My Bloody Valentine you'll have a good time together. Remember that moment in Sex and the City when Miranda and Carrie were both alone on New Year's Eve? They were kind of sad and lonely, but after Carrie rushed over to Miranda's to ring in the new year with her bff it made them feel better because even though the men in their lives were gone they still had each other.

But if all else fails.... attempt to find a date! I am definitely a fan of getting a good massage for yourself or going out with the girls to celebrate V-Day, but if you can put yourself out there and spend it with someone you are romantically attracted to that's even better! Sometimes all it takes is that initiative. Letting someone know you would like to get to know them better. Too often women get stuck in the I-can't-ask-a-guy-out mentality because we're told from such a young age that that's "the man's job". But sometimes you have to go after what you want. Make the first move. Put the ball in their court.

Regardless of how you spend this day, just remember that after all the hype and build up of February 14th comes... February 15th! It's just a day.

For more on Valentine's Day... check out last year's post! http://sexintheville.blogspot.com/2010/02/valentines-shmalentines.html

Who can You trust online? - The Craigslist Killer

This movie is so disturbing and it really makes you wonder about people nowadays. Who can you trust? Has our online world given us the ability to buy and sell everything - sex included?

Lifetime recently premiered a movie entitled The Craigslist Killer that is based on a true story.

The man in this movie is online searching for women to prey on all while his fiance is trying on dresses and planning their wedding. Does that scare anyone else but me? "If we can't go to medical school together then I'll just wait." This girl gave up her hopes and dreams for a jerk who was online shopping for girls to torture and kill. He even hid his gun in one of his medical books. Ridiculous!

How to Protect Yourself

1. Beef up Your security
2. Use a security token
3. Be careful what you download
4. Use your own computer if you can
5. Don't respond to emails requesting personal information
6. Be smart about your password
7. Use extra cautions with wireless connections
8. Log out completely

On Twitter

NashllyEstefani‎ Watching The Craigslist Killer. --creeeepy. How is anyone ever supposed to want to date anyone ever again in their lifeeee.You psychopaths
homegrowndog‎ I'm watching The Craigslist Killer movie on Lifetime.. If the scenes in this are acurate..Uhh there where many signs this guy was dangerous!
JemaeJemaeJem‎ watched a bit of that craigslist killer movie before heading out. I won't be speaking to any normal looking creeps tonight.

The Infamous First Date

Butterflies in the stomach. What to do? What to wear? What to say?
If you're nervous all day long, it must be your first date.

First dates are few and far between nowadays. With things like online dating and speed dating taking over, the traditional "first date" is not something you see too much of. But when you are lucky enough to be asked out on a traditional first date, all of the technology in the world can't save you from those same feelings people have been feeling for centuries. The whole idea of a "first date" with someone is nerve-wrecking because you have this whole concept of what it means to you, but you're not quite sure if the other person is thinking the same thing.

What to Do

Be prepared to pay. Proper dining etiquette says that whoever invites the other person out should pay, but everyone may not know or follow that rule. Always bring enough money to pay for your half of the meal and anything else you might need. Drive or have transportation available. It's quite romantic and chivalrous for a man to drive you on the first date, but you should make sure that you have access to a car or some way to get home if things don't go as well as planned. If you meet at the restaurant and the guy turns out to be a jerk you can text a friend to call in an emergency and suddenly "have to leave". But if you ride with him you'll have to stick it out.

What to Wear

There is always the pressure of dressing to impress. But if you dress up you run the risk of being too overdressed if they're just chillin in jeans and a t-shirt. And the opposite is true if you dress down and end up at a fancy restaurant. What to wear really depends on where you're going, but the key to looking nice is to not dress too sexy. When you try to imitate the magazines it can end up looking more sexy-slutty than sexy-classy. If you're going to a fancy restaurant you can't go wrong with the traditional LBD (little black dress). And if you're going out on a more casual dinner and a movie go for a nice pair of jeans and a nice top.

What to Say

General conversation is good for a first date, but try to move beyond the surface. Have a meaningful conversation. Ask questions about their life, their likes and dislikes and actually listen to the answers. It's okay to talk about yourself, but be sure to balance talking about yourself too much. Be attentive and show that you're interested. The only thing that's off limits on a first date is any talk about the exes. It's just too soon! Share, but don't share too much information. Always leave room for a little mystery for the second date. The most important thing, though, is to just be yourself and have a good time.

First Date Dos & Don'ts

Do...

Make Eye Contact

Give Compliments

Laugh at Their Jokes

Give a Confirmation Call

Don't...

Talk on the Phone

Be Late

Talk too Closely

Be too Aggressive or direct

Dinner for One

Is it okay to eat alone?

So I went to a Mexican restaurant (because I love Mexican food) and grabbed lunch on my break. The woman basically kicked me out, didn't even ask if I wanted my food "for here or to go". She just bagged it up and assumed I couldn't possibly be dining in since I was by myself. And of course my first thought was How Rude!

Sometimes when I'm working I like to dine in on my lunch break just to get a new environment for one hour out of the day. But for some reason being alone is a "to-go only" zone. It made me mad, but I just took my bagged almuerza (lunch) and headed back to the break room.

The truth of the matter is she was actually making a reasonable assumption because most people don't like eating out alone. I've even been known to whip the cell phone to call people just so I didn't have to sit there awkwardly eating by myself. And you don't necessarily care so much that you are alone. It's moreso the fact that everyone else is feeling sorry for you being alone that bothers you most.

It is going to be very difficult, but you have to take pride in eating alone ... build your self esteem. The importance of eating alone is about developing a relationship with yourself. Date yourself. You have to, at some point, be okay with being alone. Even though eating is traditionally a social event - meeting friends, holidays with family, or even romantic dates - we must find the confidence to just be at the table and wine and dine ourselves. The big piece that will be missing from dining alone as opposed to joining friends or family is the conversation. We all use the time while our food is being prepared to catch up and talk about our days, but one blogger suggest you bring a book or newspaper to occupy your time. Catch up on the news or delve into a good novel! So Bon Apetit!

Where to go when you date yourself
1. To the Movies
2. To get a Mani/Pedi
3. To walk at the park
4. To get a Massage
5. To work out at the gym
6. To the bookstore to read
7. And of course out to eat!

Here's What You Said on Twitter:
DynamicDelight RT @sexintheville: Can you eat out by yourself?<-Yea, but you look like a creeper/ loser
DIRTY479 @sexintheville: No way cuzo!! lol
kristinnsmith @sexintheville: Definitely, as long as the restaurant isn't busy, otherwise I'd feel awkward

Why are men so lazy!

#epicfail to the eternal laziness of men in the department of romance.

Ok so this post goes against everything I learned this morning in my HR video on pluralistic communication and it is very sexist of me to group all men together and call them lazy but... OH WELL.

I have a friend who opened up to me about 6 months ago about a friend she had who she really cared about and frankly wants to marry. The problem is they were stuck in the friend zone and she did not know how to move forward into a more romantic relationship without the all too dreaded risk of losing him. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I encouraged her to take that chance and be open and honest with him about her feelings (in hopes that he would confess his undying love for her as well).

But things did not really go as planned. He did not return her feelings and I, of course, felt terrible for being the one to cause her heart to be broken by him.

Well to fast forward from December to now, he has finally told her that he loves her! Of course I was ecstatic because I just absolutely love a good romance success story. But my question is, why did it take 6 months for any progress???

The answer to the question Why are Men so Lazy? can be found at this site for dating and relationship tips & advice. They bring up a good point because they remind us that men are designed as hunters. So while we were out being busy bodies, picking the nuts and berries they were out being still and calm, hunting their prey. So we may be more aggressive naturally, and what we take as laziness may just be them taking there time. Some men really need to get their ducks in a row before they fully committ to us in the way that we want. And that, I believe, is comendable.

Don't get me wrong though, some men are just lazy. They've gotten complacent in the current state of the relationship and are ok with the lack of progression. So don't let that happen to you!

Here are a few tips from the site on how to keep this from happening:
1. Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn't like them
2. Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
3. Never become lazy yourself
4. Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
5. Don't always return his phone calls
6. Ensure you retain male friends you had before
7. Do not run around after him
8. Find his weak spots and use them when need be
9. Don't be at his beck and call
10. Go on vacation with your friends