Why are men so lazy!

#epicfail to the eternal laziness of men in the department of romance.

Ok so this post goes against everything I learned this morning in my HR video on pluralistic communication and it is very sexist of me to group all men together and call them lazy but... OH WELL.

I have a friend who opened up to me about 6 months ago about a friend she had who she really cared about and frankly wants to marry. The problem is they were stuck in the friend zone and she did not know how to move forward into a more romantic relationship without the all too dreaded risk of losing him. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I encouraged her to take that chance and be open and honest with him about her feelings (in hopes that he would confess his undying love for her as well).

But things did not really go as planned. He did not return her feelings and I, of course, felt terrible for being the one to cause her heart to be broken by him.

Well to fast forward from December to now, he has finally told her that he loves her! Of course I was ecstatic because I just absolutely love a good romance success story. But my question is, why did it take 6 months for any progress???

The answer to the question Why are Men so Lazy? can be found at this site for dating and relationship tips & advice. They bring up a good point because they remind us that men are designed as hunters. So while we were out being busy bodies, picking the nuts and berries they were out being still and calm, hunting their prey. So we may be more aggressive naturally, and what we take as laziness may just be them taking there time. Some men really need to get their ducks in a row before they fully committ to us in the way that we want. And that, I believe, is comendable.

Don't get me wrong though, some men are just lazy. They've gotten complacent in the current state of the relationship and are ok with the lack of progression. So don't let that happen to you!

Here are a few tips from the site on how to keep this from happening:
1. Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn't like them
2. Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
3. Never become lazy yourself
4. Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
5. Don't always return his phone calls
6. Ensure you retain male friends you had before
7. Do not run around after him
8. Find his weak spots and use them when need be
9. Don't be at his beck and call
10. Go on vacation with your friends

I Like it Thug Style

So I've been watching The VH1 Hip Hop Honors... and I've rediscovered how much I love "thugs". Well I'm not sure if thug is the right word to use, but that's the word I'm going to use.

So I'm not sure if it's the swag that fellas from the dirty south have or if it's just that country grammar accent that I love, but there's just something about the TIs and Nelly's of the world. I just love Nelly. I think because I used to have Nelly posters all in my walk in closet all of this just reminds me of middle school. Good times... just chillin watchin music videos in the morning before school.

Kind of like this girl, I am not a hood girl. I am very conservative and reserved and some might even say boojee. When Bow Wow had "Ghetto Girls", I was so sad because I loved him and I loved the song, but I knew I wasn't a ghetto girl... smh. But in my heart of hearts I wanted to be that for LBW.

But what is it about these hood boys that make us love them so much??? I am typically attracted to guys with much more... cleanliness (is the only word i could think of), but there's just somethin about the dirrty south that gets me every time.

Top 10 Favorite Things About Hood Boys
1. (i'll be the last to admit it but) tattoos
2. muscles (and lots of them)
3. that southern accent mixed with bad grammar
4. white tube socks with adidas sandals
5. the swag (gotta love it)
6. the cheap, practical cars (on 22s)
7. the way they can gulp down red kool aid like it's water
8. the way they really love their mama
9. the way they take control and tell you what to do
10. they all seem to know how to rap

Nighttime Rituals

As women, we put our hair through so much during the daytime just to be presentable, for ourselves, and for our public image, but mostly for men. Men love long, beautiful, flowing hair. They want our hair to look like the celebrities they see on t.v., in music videos and in movies.



The trick to having your hair look so fabulous in the daytime is to take care of it at night. Brush it, comb it, oil it, wrap it. Whatever your nighttime hair care regimen is, we all have some sort of routine.



In order for our hair to come out soft and silky in the morning we have to tie it down at night so it doesn't get out of control. And that means going to bed looking any kind of way
And sometimes we even end up looking like this...


But I've noticed that it's not just hair. Everyone goes to bed and has some sort of nighttime regimen that they do. I usually wrap my hair, wash my face, brush my teeth, floss, and put lotion on. And nighttime rituals are good! The really help soothe the transition to sleep.

But I wonder what guys think about all of our habits and how we sometimes look crazy at night. I used to wake up early and unwrap my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face so that I didn't have crust all in my eyes by the time he woke up. And theoretically you could do that, but that gets old and after a while you just don't care!

What do you think about rollers and night scarves to bed? Does practicality trump being "sexy"???

Facebook Official

In this day and age, every major event in your life must be appropriately and immediately documented via Facebook. This social networking site must be the first to be notified of every significant event and decision. This is true for your love life as well.

Everyone always wants to know your relationship status at any given point. And your relationship, whether it's been five weeks or five years, is not validated unless it's "Facebook Official".


Whenever you're in relationship purgatory and there are no particular "titles" explaining and describing your relationhip to other people it can be difficult. Telling a story about your significant other you want to say "My boyfriend said such and such" but technically he's not your boyfriend. Someone asks you if you're in a relationship and you take a long pause. You want to say yes, but the true answer is no, but you're so confused about the blurred lines that you end up saying "uh, yeah kinda". And then you stare off into space wondering how the person you're speaking of would answer the question if/when someone asks them...?

The ups and downs of relationships are only compounded by the publicity of constant notications of "single", "in a relationship", and the ever-dreaded "it's complicated" status. Many are now opting to remove the relationship status alltogether to alleviate the woes of putting your business out there. Choosing not to list whether or not you are in a relationship or who you're in a relationship with can rid you of the constant questioning of your relationship status from your facebook friends, but it can also lead to another problem.

When you are in a relationship the first question you get is, "Is it Facebook Official?". And the answer to that question determines the legitimacy of your relationship in the eyes of the facebook world. But if you really care about someone, and they care about you, that's all that should matter. Labels and titles are beautiful and important to define the parameters of your relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, they only matter in terms of marriage.

So I vote for a new "courting" option of relationship status! What do you think? Is your relationship legit even if it's not Facebook Official?

Summer Vacation

It's that time of year again! The time all college students leave their cares behind and head for some beach somewhere. Cancun. St. Thomas. Miami. Jamaica. The point is to get away and leave all of the stressors of school behind you. After exams are finally over, you may think it's a good idea to go on a vacation with your boyfriend, but is that really for the best??

Sometimes, it can be too early in the relationship to take such a big step. Going on vacation is difficult enough with your family, (insert horrible childhood road trip experience here) so you have to be sure that you are 100% ready to attempt something like this with your significant other. You really learn what someone's made of when you are stuck in a car with them (or on a plane, or on a train...). I have gotten in several fights over directions going a few miles up the street, so that's definitely not what you want on a long distance trip!

While going on vacation with your boo can have negative outcomes, it could have a very positive one as well. Going away together could be a great way to see his habits in a way that you would if you were to live together, without the messiness of moving in, splitting bills, and getting in over your head! On the trip, pay attention to how he brushes his teeth. If he squeezes the toothpaste down to the end and you don't like that, take note. And it's up to you to decide if that's something you can live with or not, but at least now you'll know!

Another thing to be mindful of is how he handles certain situations. For instance, if there is an unforseen issue with the hotel reservation and he blows up on the front desk clerk, that may be a red flag for you! Take note of how he interacts in this situation because it is when people are out of their element that they are most likely to show their true colors.

Susan Johnston, a freelance writer who covers career and lifestyle topics, had a great article on Taking Your First Vacation Together.

Her top 4 suggestions were:
1. Agree on a destination
2. Start small
3. Allow for time apart
4. Decide on who's paying for what before you leave

I think all four recommendations are appropriate, but my two favorite are #2 and #4. There is nothing worse, than fighting about money on a trip that is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Work out all of the details at home in a way that is civil and fair for both parites. While many of my friends recommended a trip to Vegas or a cruise to the islands (and that sounds nice), I am a firm believer in putting your pinkie toe in the water before you dive in! If you start out small and are successful, there's always room for bigger & better trips together!

But the most important thing when going on your first "sleep away" trip is to HAVE FUN!!!

Apples on Trees

I received the following message today from a friend and it really made me think...

"Women are like the apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones, because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them when in reality they are amazing! They have to wait for the right guy to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb to the top of the tree!"

What do you think? I think this is very true. It makes me sad, because who has the time, energy, or patience to wait forever, but it is pretty true.

Should a Woman Wait on a Man to "grow up"???

Girls mature faster then boys.

That's what we all hear as little girls as an explanation for why it is that boys are still so playful and immature when we have become more sophisticated and mature.

But does that rule still apply when we become adults? As men and women do we still have to wait a few years for him to catch up? Are we stuck rolling our eyes as he plays video games all day and all night instead of working?

This question came up in a relationship open forum I went to recently and it was a big debate between the guys and the girls. The guys were too offended at the question to even acknowledge it. For some strange reason they thought it was absurd that they could even be considered immature. And the girls just decided that they shouldn't have to wait because that was too unfair.

The truth of the matter is, we don't have a choice. If you are with someone that you truly care about and you know that he is "The One" for you and only you, but he is not "ready", then you have to wait. The only other option is to leave him and move on.

One of my favorite blogs talks about how difficult it is for men to make the decision to settle down. According to him, they have to answer two questions: 1) Is she really that special woman? 2) Am I ready for that special woman?

I love this blog because when you think of it from a man's perspective it all makes sense! It is important to be sure beyond measure that she is the one before you invest all of your time, money, and energy into her. And once you figure out that she is the one, it's most important to know if you are actually ready to handle everything that comes with the responsibility and full commitment of a monogamous relationship.

Here's what he said about settling down...

The question is, "Is he worth sticking around for???" You have to ask yourself that in order to determine if you are making the right decision.

If he is worth it then there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until he's ready. Don't allow yourself to be strung along! I am by no means saying that. But... remember that anything worth having, is worth waiting for.