Aren't ya glad you didn't marry HIM!!!

Can you imagine what it would be like if you had married all of your exes? Or even worse, if you'd had kids with them? I think I have pretty good taste and pretty high standards, but when I look at where some of my exes are now ... boy am I grateful they're exes!

At the time, break-ups seem like the worst possible scenario ever. You still love, or at least care about the person and can't imagine them being a part of your past instead of your future. But hindsight is 20/20! When you bump into your exes at the grocery store or in the mall and you see what they look like now! Whew! Dodged a bullet!

I have three exes in particular that just make me shake my head and wonder where they went wrong. I would just like to say that they were good, upstanding young men when I was with them.

1. I recently discovered that one of my exes has transformed into a wanna-be Thug. He had his shirt tucked in when he was with me! I actually met him at a Young Writer's summer program at the community college. And I had to break up with him because he was so much of a momma's boy! She wouldn't hardly let him do anything and I just couldn't handle that. But look at him now. One of my best friends sent me his Facebook pics and it is a shame! I almost started crying looking at how much he has changed for the worse. I'm not going to say his name, but let me say that it is not at all hood or thug or "goon status". Gold chains, gold teeth, and all tatted up! Thank goodness I broke up with him when I did!

2. One of my exes is rumored to be a homosexual (Gay). He never told me that he was/is, so I always say "allegedly" or "supposedly" until it's confirmed firsthand. But I must admit that he was very emotional and open and available and I just thought he was sensitive because he was raised by his mother and grandmother, but... who knows. He did get his hair cut every week, whiten his teeth, and take longer to get ready then me, but... who knows. He was a great boyfriend though, knew me inside/out. But I broke up with him because I wanted to start dating someone else, so I guess I'll never know...

3. One of my other exes is now somebody's Baby daddy. :( I'm not trying to judge or say I wouldn't date someone with a kid, but I'm just sayin you can't afford me if you're buyin Huggies!!! I am pretty high-maintenance and I'm not afraid to say it. I have been spoiled by my parents, my sister, and my last boyfriend and I cannot go down from that. There's no turning back. I just don't see how you can afford to take me out when you've got to dish out the child support! Maybe when I get older more men my age will have babies, but for now I can date single men without children. He did try to talk to me again when I saw him at a party, and I was reminded of how sweet and cute he was, but I just kept thinking Huggies, Huggies...

Career Crossroads

Flight Attendant, Lawyer, Photographer, Journalist. Though I've had several dreams and aspirations of what to be when I "grow up", I pretty much had it settled that I would become a reporter by eighth grade. Most men, however, are still figuring it out... Why?!

Why is it that men always seem to be wandering through life aimlessly or chasing some pipe dream? Meanwhile, women are so focused on chasing their careers that they have absolutely no time to chase (or be chased by) a man.

I'm not sure if it began with Rosie the Riveter or if it started when mass amounts of women went to work in the 80s, but somewhere along the way women took over the corporate world. It seems to me that women are just much more focused on their careers than men, starting as early as high school. Women are more focused and concerned about applying to colleges, taking all the AP classes, and getting a high GPA to get into the best schools possible. Men wait until the last possible minute to apply to colleges, are less likely to take AP or Dual Enrollment courses, and tend not to put forth the extra effort in class and just do enough to get by.

Then once we get to college, the proof is in the pudding. The proportion of men to women at universities and colleges today is unbelievable. "There are more men than women ages 18-24 in the USA — 15 million vs. 14.2 million, according to a Census Bureau estimate last year. But nationally, the male/female ratio on campus today is 43/57, a reversal from the late 1960s and well beyond the nearly even splits of the mid-1970s." (USA Today) At my school the statistics are worse than the national average, at only 31% male.

This recent trend presents us with several problems in our love lives. For starters, if men are flaky and women are focused in their career worlds than they will be the same way in their relationships. Men will treat the relationship as something casual and less concrete until they have narrowed in on a career path. They cannot fully commit to you until they no what their purpose in life is and how they can adequately provide for you. It's in their nature. We are not historically, the head of the household, so we tend to be less concerned with the weight that comes with trying to provide for a family.

Another issue with this is the fact that it forces women to choose between their romance and their careers. It's difficult for women to find love when they are surrounded by men who are going nowhere fast. We need partners who will uplift us, encourage us, inspire us. But instead we end up motivating them into a career. Eventually either he leaves because he feels inferior or she leaves in search of someone on her level. It's a lose-lose situation either way.

This is a never-ending issue that we all face at one point or another, but all we can do is be patient. Keep chasing your dream and your dream guy will appear at the right time. But whatever you do, never settle for less than your best.

Childless Generation??

To continue on in the subject of the Career vs. Family issue I want to discuss a study I came across on AOL News. According to a recent study done by the Pew Research Center, 1 in 5 women of childbearing age (about 40) are opting not to have children.

Once again I will mention that I am nowhere near the "childbearing years" (well I guess biologically I am but you know what I mean). This study doesn't directly effect me (yet), but I do find it to be quite interesting.

The study found three main reasons in this change in women's titles or roles in society. The first reason was a recent trend in delayed marriage as well as delayed childbearing. And if you do the math it actually makes sense. Graduate from high school at 18, spend four years in college and graduate at 22, perhaps a couple years in grad school (to be an oberachiever and go for the Master's). By the time you finish your education you're 24 and then it's just time to start moving up in your career. And education and your career is at least something you can plan. Falling in love and getting married... not so much.

The second reason pointed to the diminished social pressure to have children. Having children used to be just the thing you did after marriage. Married with kids seemed to be some sort of predestined job description for women in years past. Now, however, birth control and the Women's Rights Movement have prompted a great deal of options and control for women. Our destiny is now in our hands. You don't necessarily have to have kids. It's now becoming an option for those who choose to do so, and when they choose to do so.

The study also found that there are now expanded job opportunities for women. Women used to go to school to get their "M-R-S degree", but now going to college is about much more than finding a man to marry. Women are more focused on gaining an education and more centered on reaching their goals.

In the end, it only matters that every woman is happy with her decision. Women are finding that those without kids "are not more depressed" and have a psychological well-being just as high as those with children. You just have to make a decision that best fits you, whether it's putting off the soccer mom thing or avoiding it altogether!

Do women have to give up love for success?

After a long day's work, I came home and made dinner, did the laundry, and still had time to put my feet up and flip between America's Next Top Model and America's Got Talent. But the beauty of this is the fact that I just had to take care of myself. I do not (thank God) have any kids or a husband or anyone else to think about when I get home. So for this week I am wondering: Can we have it all? Or do women have to give up love for success???



In today's world of oober independent, strong women the media gives off the message that the lifestyle of the 1950s wife is no longer necessary. It is now more important for most women to climb the corporate ladder than it is to find a man, marry and multiply. A recent study by the Pew Research Center even suggests that 18% of women in America have not had kids by age 40. And of course this is a complicated study with multiple factors that I will cover later ... but my point is, the growing trend in America is to focus on your future in terms of your career as oppossed to a family.

And according to Forbes.com, No, You Can't Have It All! This article says that their are three exceptions to this rule: having a "house husband", having a flexible work schedule, and having a nanny. But even these offer a "watered-down" version of parenting. And the article suggests that someone who tries to balance both may never make it to the top in her career. The author writes, "It may be in some ways the ideal compromise, but once a woman is no longer available 24-7, she is sure to lose out to her male counterparts."

So even though I am several years away from needing to know how to even try to balance a career and a family, it is something that I think about. This is the time when the climb on the corporate ladder begins. And everything from here on will determine my future. This is the time where we determine and develop our futures. Though the long term is trying to balance soccer practice and business meetings, the short term is trying to balance the full time internship and the dating world. So even though this seems far off, it's actually pretty complicated now too.

While it may seem difficult and perhaps impossible to "have it all", I will still strive to conquer both a successful career and a successful love life. Because there is hope out there for those of us who try to be Superwoman and have it all.



Here's what you said on Twitter:
skeyz91 @sexintheville "No unless they make it their decision. Many women have balanced love and success and had gr8 lives."

Nighttime Rituals

As women, we put our hair through so much during the daytime just to be presentable, for ourselves, and for our public image, but mostly for men. Men love long, beautiful, flowing hair. They want our hair to look like the celebrities they see on t.v., in music videos and in movies.



The trick to having your hair look so fabulous in the daytime is to take care of it at night. Brush it, comb it, oil it, wrap it. Whatever your nighttime hair care regimen is, we all have some sort of routine.



In order for our hair to come out soft and silky in the morning we have to tie it down at night so it doesn't get out of control. And that means going to bed looking any kind of way
And sometimes we even end up looking like this...


But I've noticed that it's not just hair. Everyone goes to bed and has some sort of nighttime regimen that they do. I usually wrap my hair, wash my face, brush my teeth, floss, and put lotion on. And nighttime rituals are good! The really help soothe the transition to sleep.

But I wonder what guys think about all of our habits and how we sometimes look crazy at night. I used to wake up early and unwrap my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face so that I didn't have crust all in my eyes by the time he woke up. And theoretically you could do that, but that gets old and after a while you just don't care!

What do you think about rollers and night scarves to bed? Does practicality trump being "sexy"???