The Infamous First Date

Butterflies in the stomach. What to do? What to wear? What to say?
If you're nervous all day long, it must be your first date.

First dates are few and far between nowadays. With things like online dating and speed dating taking over, the traditional "first date" is not something you see too much of. But when you are lucky enough to be asked out on a traditional first date, all of the technology in the world can't save you from those same feelings people have been feeling for centuries. The whole idea of a "first date" with someone is nerve-wrecking because you have this whole concept of what it means to you, but you're not quite sure if the other person is thinking the same thing.

What to Do

Be prepared to pay. Proper dining etiquette says that whoever invites the other person out should pay, but everyone may not know or follow that rule. Always bring enough money to pay for your half of the meal and anything else you might need. Drive or have transportation available. It's quite romantic and chivalrous for a man to drive you on the first date, but you should make sure that you have access to a car or some way to get home if things don't go as well as planned. If you meet at the restaurant and the guy turns out to be a jerk you can text a friend to call in an emergency and suddenly "have to leave". But if you ride with him you'll have to stick it out.

What to Wear

There is always the pressure of dressing to impress. But if you dress up you run the risk of being too overdressed if they're just chillin in jeans and a t-shirt. And the opposite is true if you dress down and end up at a fancy restaurant. What to wear really depends on where you're going, but the key to looking nice is to not dress too sexy. When you try to imitate the magazines it can end up looking more sexy-slutty than sexy-classy. If you're going to a fancy restaurant you can't go wrong with the traditional LBD (little black dress). And if you're going out on a more casual dinner and a movie go for a nice pair of jeans and a nice top.

What to Say

General conversation is good for a first date, but try to move beyond the surface. Have a meaningful conversation. Ask questions about their life, their likes and dislikes and actually listen to the answers. It's okay to talk about yourself, but be sure to balance talking about yourself too much. Be attentive and show that you're interested. The only thing that's off limits on a first date is any talk about the exes. It's just too soon! Share, but don't share too much information. Always leave room for a little mystery for the second date. The most important thing, though, is to just be yourself and have a good time.

First Date Dos & Don'ts

Do...

Make Eye Contact

Give Compliments

Laugh at Their Jokes

Give a Confirmation Call

Don't...

Talk on the Phone

Be Late

Talk too Closely

Be too Aggressive or direct

Don't Hate the Player...

In the world of romance there are two types of people - those who can only manage one love interest at a time, and those who can juggle many romantic interests at one time until they figure out exactly what they want. Me, I'm no juggler.

And while I've tried to casually see or talk to a couple of individuals at a time, it's never really worked out well. For starters I'm just too busy to focus on more than one person at a time. Plus, I'm more of a one-man-woman at heart even though I like to flirt a lot. I have a few friends, however, who keep men in rotation! It's all harmless and perfectly fair since they're not committed to anyone. When you're single you're allowed to date around! But you've got to be smart about it.

One of my friends says she's just got multiple "cookies" in the cookie jar. My other friend says she's just "networking". And I have another friend who always has what she calls a "back-up plan". When one guy messes up she's got another one on standby! It's so interesting to hear them tell stories because half way through I'm always like, wait, who are we talking about? It's actually pretty convenient, though when you think about it. You've always got someone to text or call when you're bored. You can have a lunch date and have a good time without worrying about the obligations of a relationship. A lot comes with the titles "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" so it's nice to just be able to have multiple love interests.

When I asked a few of my friends about this topic, the consensus was that it is okay to "talk to" multiple people at one time as long as the people involved know what your intentions are. Most people said as long as there's no commitment and you're not deliberately trying to deceive people it's okay. One person called it "not putting all your eggs in our basket". But I think the key thing to remember here is you've gotta talk to them, be open. If you think you're just casually "talking to" someone but they really have feelings for you, the fact that you're talking to other people at the same time could really hurt them.

I do believe that dating is like interviewing for marriage and provides you for opportunities to know what you like, BUT you have got to be careful. Sometimes dating around can get you caught up with too many pots on the stove, beware of a potential fire! But it is something that comes with age. The more you date, the more you discover who you are and what exactly it is you are looking for in a mate. It's okay to use college as the time to try on different types of people, but just be careful not to break too many hearts along the way.

Here's What you said on Twitter!

When is it okay to date multiple people?
kristinnsmith @sexintheville When you're not exclusive and when all people involved are aware of your decision to date multiples

Flirting with Danger...

Today at my news internship I was covering a story and met a guy and he just kept flirting with me and the other intern. I threatened to tell his wife, but his defense was, "Hey you've gotta have fun doing something!" He was old and retired and completely harmless, but he was indeed flirting and it got me to thinking ... What exactly is the harm in flirting?

I am naturally a big flirt so this one's a biggie for me. I have had some issues with flirting affecting my relationships in the past, but in my opinion flirting is not exactly cheating. Flirting is that thing you do to boost your ego and to make you feel sexy and pretty and wanted. Flirting just makes you happy and as long as it's left on the surface, can be perfectly harmless.

But you have to be careful because if you are in a relationship and continue to batt your eyes at others you could be flirting with danger. Flirting is harmless until it becomes not so harmless. It is all really based on actual feelings of attraction, but there's a fine line between general light conversation with a random stranger and sending text messages to someone in the wee hours. You have to keep yourself in check and know your boundaries for your self and your relationship.


The other big thing to look out for is leading someone on when you're "just flirting". Sometimes sending an I-can't-wait-to-see-you-again text that you don't really mean could lead to an actual invitation. And before you know it, the person on the other end is changing their work schedule for you and trying to really make things happen that you had no plans for. And it will just all become a big mess that all started because you had to wink your eye or hug a little too long.
So in the end, I say keep flirting! It's good for you. It makes you feel good and it helps you stay fresh, if you will. Just be very, very careful. But when you do flirt, make sure you do it well. :) I'm sure you all know how to flirt, but just in case here's a link.


Here's what you said on Twitter!

Do you flirt?
DynamicDelight @sexintheville: Yuuup *@TreySongz voice*
Is it okay to flirt at work?
PRHOph3cy @sexintheville: I think so as long as it's harmless and not too forward