Keeper vs. Creeper

Sometimes when you meet someone new, it is difficult to know if they could be "the one" or not. In high school finding out whether or not someone was "weird" or "regular" was easy - you had grown up with them and/or knew other people who knew them. But now that we're older dating people is much more difficult. There's no real way to know if someone has skeletons in their closet. Well, everyone has skeletons in their closet, but the question is are they skeletons you can live with? In life and love, how can we know when someone's a Keeper or a Creeper?

Life is too short to date someone for weeks, months, years even just to find out that they are very much a creeper and you should have left them go a long time ago. Being a creeper is not exactly the same as being incompatible. Two perfectly normal people can not be "the one" for each other and that's fine. I'm talking about when someone has some type of neurotic or unusual behavior that makes you want to run like a the girls in the horror films.

It's difficult though. Because when you first meet someone you only see the good in them. You're attracted to them. You like them. You want them to be "the one" either for now or for always. But either way, you will not notice the red flags at this point. So you go on a first date or you just "hang out" and you're getting to know each other. He or she says or does some really off the wall stuff. You give them a side-eye but you're still tryna make it work. You spend the entire date putting things in two different boxes - "I can live with that" and "I can change that". (You can't really change anything about anyone but you tell yourself that for now) But when you get home and talk it over with your friends, you have to decide if he's a keeper or a creeper.

The natural thing to do is to attempt to make everyone a keeper off the bat. You romanticize the date and remember to point out all of the good signs. But what about the bad signs? Is it fair to ignore those? What if that one kinda creepy thing he said was a window into his (or her) true character??? What if the little things you ignored actually turn out to be bigger in the future? How will we ever know?

We can try to weigh the pros and cons all day at the beginning of a new relationship, but at the end of the day I guess we'll never know if someone's a Keeper or a Creeper. I guess the best you can do is try to keep your mind open and your eyes open too. Be positive, but not naiive. Be compassionate, but also be cautious. Take time to get to know the person, but also take time to assess the situation. But most importantly, just pay attention!

How to know if he's a Keeper

1. He opens the doors for you
2. He pays for the meal
3. You share the same values
4. There's a natural ease and flow
5. He texts or calls to make sure you got home safely
6. He's nice to the waitor/waitress
7. He looks at you and really listens when you talk
8. Your friends like him
9. He makes you feel special
10. He's thoughtful

Just Go With It

When starting a new relationship everyone wants to put their best self out there. It's not exactly "lying" per say, but you're just revealing the best version of yourself to be sure to make a good impression. Everyone does it and it's okay because we all know about it. But that's not what's going on in the newly released Just Go With It. This movie is about outright lying!

The film was loosely based on the 1969 film Cactus Flower in which Goldie Hawn won an Oscar.

Adam Sandler's character Danny wears his wedding band and invents a fake wife to pick up younger women. Which sounds sick and unusual, but actually has a reasonable beginning. He was engaged to be married, but finds out on his wedding day that his soon-to-be-wife was cheating on him and was only marrying him because he was a doctor. This big blow to his heart and ego lead him to the bar where some woman took pity on him as he spouted out lies about his horrible cheating wife. Sandler continues this lie to pick up women for years, but one day stumbles upon a girl who he feels may be "the one". When she finds the ring he invents a fake soon-to-be ex wife to explain away the ring.

This is where Aniston's character Katherine comes in to play. Katherine is just Danny's assistant at his office, but he asks her to pretend to be his ex-wife so the new girlfriend, played by Brooklyn Decker, will be okay with dating a married man. Decker plays Palmer, who will only continue seeing Danny if she has proof that his marriage is over.

The lie is compounded when Aniston accidentally answers her cell while out with Danny and Palmer and it is revealed that Katherine has kids. And now the lie is continued with the addition of Sandler's pretend children! He pays the kids and treats them to pizza to bring them on board.

Somehow the hilarious web of lies lands the dysfunctional family in Hawaii on a family trip with Sandler's cousin as Aniston's pretend new beau. This ultimately was a very funny comedy (as comedies should be). I like Adam Sandler, but sometimes his humor goes too far, but this is not the case in Just Go With It. He and Aniston have excellent chemistry and you can look for a surprise visit from Nicole Kidman as well. And this is more than just a cameo. Kidman has a pretty good role and plays it well.

But don't be fooled. The adult actors don't take all the funny lines. The child stars shine in this movie and surprise you with their funny and witty lines. I must say, however, that there moments that did disappoint me in this rom-com. The cousin is an appropriate balance in the tangled web of lies, but has an annoying fake accent and sometimes takes things too far in the joke department. And the kids are too vulgar in my opinion, but perhaps that's normal for kids these days.


Overall, I would definitely give this movie two thumbs up and say it's worth heading over to Sunchase Cinema 8 if you're in need of a good laugh. Personal favorite line - "Look at you two. It's like Barbie and Grandpa Ken."

Going the Distance - Movie Review

My sister and I recently picked up Going The Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long as our Redbox chick flick of choice. Drew Barrymore comes from a family of movie stars and was a child star turned adult actess, but is most famous for her roles in E.T., Never Been Kissed, and Ever After. Justin Long is known as the jerk who eventually falls in love in the movie He's Just Not That Into You, but also starred in Alivin and the Chipmunks and The Break Up.

According to the Internet Movie Database (IMDb), this movie is "a romantic comedy centered on a guy and a gal who try to keep their love alive as they shuttle back and forth between New York and San Francisco to see one another".  This movie begins with a random hook up between two adult strangers, but when Drew Barrymore's character reveals that she is only in town for short time, the two decide to leave it at that. Of course that is always easier said than done. They start off atempting to keep it casual, but eventually begin dating and attempt to "go the distance". The two did as we all do when starting a long distance relationship - 'I'll be here and you'll be there and we'll make it work'. They texted, talked on the phone, video-chatted, and made those cross-country flights to see each other in attempts to 'make it work'.

This movie takes you through the emotional rollercoaster that is the long-distance relationship as you hope for things to work out but secretly know they won't. The movie finally gets to a point where the relationship ends like most long distance relationships - with tears and sad goodbyes. They both knew they had something great, but couldn't continue on. Of course it was a movie so they end up together... lol

And now enough description, on to the review! The movie was very crazy. I initially was confused as to why it was rated R. But soon and very soon I discovered the graphic nature of the movie. I wasn't expecting them to show as much as they did and to drop as many F-bombs as they did, but that did warrant the R-rating. But aside from the craziness and random debauchary, Going The Distance was a pretty good movie. It had its funny moments and had its romantic moments so overall it was a good romantic comedy. I like Drew Berrymore and Justin Long and Christina Applegate (who plays Barrymore's sister). And the real-life romance between the two helps as the chemistry shines through on both parts. So the next time you need a movie for a buck per day, just check out Going The Distance, but be sure there are no kids around!




"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."
-Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
 
For other posts on long distance relationships click here!

The Infamous First Date

Butterflies in the stomach. What to do? What to wear? What to say?
If you're nervous all day long, it must be your first date.

First dates are few and far between nowadays. With things like online dating and speed dating taking over, the traditional "first date" is not something you see too much of. But when you are lucky enough to be asked out on a traditional first date, all of the technology in the world can't save you from those same feelings people have been feeling for centuries. The whole idea of a "first date" with someone is nerve-wrecking because you have this whole concept of what it means to you, but you're not quite sure if the other person is thinking the same thing.

What to Do

Be prepared to pay. Proper dining etiquette says that whoever invites the other person out should pay, but everyone may not know or follow that rule. Always bring enough money to pay for your half of the meal and anything else you might need. Drive or have transportation available. It's quite romantic and chivalrous for a man to drive you on the first date, but you should make sure that you have access to a car or some way to get home if things don't go as well as planned. If you meet at the restaurant and the guy turns out to be a jerk you can text a friend to call in an emergency and suddenly "have to leave". But if you ride with him you'll have to stick it out.

What to Wear

There is always the pressure of dressing to impress. But if you dress up you run the risk of being too overdressed if they're just chillin in jeans and a t-shirt. And the opposite is true if you dress down and end up at a fancy restaurant. What to wear really depends on where you're going, but the key to looking nice is to not dress too sexy. When you try to imitate the magazines it can end up looking more sexy-slutty than sexy-classy. If you're going to a fancy restaurant you can't go wrong with the traditional LBD (little black dress). And if you're going out on a more casual dinner and a movie go for a nice pair of jeans and a nice top.

What to Say

General conversation is good for a first date, but try to move beyond the surface. Have a meaningful conversation. Ask questions about their life, their likes and dislikes and actually listen to the answers. It's okay to talk about yourself, but be sure to balance talking about yourself too much. Be attentive and show that you're interested. The only thing that's off limits on a first date is any talk about the exes. It's just too soon! Share, but don't share too much information. Always leave room for a little mystery for the second date. The most important thing, though, is to just be yourself and have a good time.

First Date Dos & Don'ts

Do...

Make Eye Contact

Give Compliments

Laugh at Their Jokes

Give a Confirmation Call

Don't...

Talk on the Phone

Be Late

Talk too Closely

Be too Aggressive or direct

Don't Hate the Player...

In the world of romance there are two types of people - those who can only manage one love interest at a time, and those who can juggle many romantic interests at one time until they figure out exactly what they want. Me, I'm no juggler.

And while I've tried to casually see or talk to a couple of individuals at a time, it's never really worked out well. For starters I'm just too busy to focus on more than one person at a time. Plus, I'm more of a one-man-woman at heart even though I like to flirt a lot. I have a few friends, however, who keep men in rotation! It's all harmless and perfectly fair since they're not committed to anyone. When you're single you're allowed to date around! But you've got to be smart about it.

One of my friends says she's just got multiple "cookies" in the cookie jar. My other friend says she's just "networking". And I have another friend who always has what she calls a "back-up plan". When one guy messes up she's got another one on standby! It's so interesting to hear them tell stories because half way through I'm always like, wait, who are we talking about? It's actually pretty convenient, though when you think about it. You've always got someone to text or call when you're bored. You can have a lunch date and have a good time without worrying about the obligations of a relationship. A lot comes with the titles "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" so it's nice to just be able to have multiple love interests.

When I asked a few of my friends about this topic, the consensus was that it is okay to "talk to" multiple people at one time as long as the people involved know what your intentions are. Most people said as long as there's no commitment and you're not deliberately trying to deceive people it's okay. One person called it "not putting all your eggs in our basket". But I think the key thing to remember here is you've gotta talk to them, be open. If you think you're just casually "talking to" someone but they really have feelings for you, the fact that you're talking to other people at the same time could really hurt them.

I do believe that dating is like interviewing for marriage and provides you for opportunities to know what you like, BUT you have got to be careful. Sometimes dating around can get you caught up with too many pots on the stove, beware of a potential fire! But it is something that comes with age. The more you date, the more you discover who you are and what exactly it is you are looking for in a mate. It's okay to use college as the time to try on different types of people, but just be careful not to break too many hearts along the way.

Here's What you said on Twitter!

When is it okay to date multiple people?
kristinnsmith @sexintheville When you're not exclusive and when all people involved are aware of your decision to date multiples

Back to School... Back to Boys!

So it's that time of year again... time to hit the books and focus. While some of you may choose to focus on your studies, others will focus on finding a new boo.

Whether you're starting kindergarten or going for your Master's, there's just something about the school year that sparks the desire to start everything in your life fresh and new. You buy new clothes, get a new hair cut, and sometimes a new bf/gf. But before you get back I have a few tips for you (and reminders for me ;) ).

1. Unless you're a freshman, don't hunt out the freshies!
I know it is very tempting to us all when you see new people (prey) on campus, but try to refrain. Sophomore year it's not so bad, junior year it's a little risky, but for those of us who will be seniors in the fall... STOP! It's not cool to be a cougar in college. When you've been there and done that, it's kind of hard to go through those growing pains with someone else. You need someone who is on your level and is going in the same direction as you.

2. Don't let dating distract you (too much) from your school work
It's important to have fun in college, but you should also keep in mind why you're there in the first place. Relationships in school can consume your spare time and replace the much-needed libarary time. I hate to sound parental, but you gotta take a step back and remember to stay focused. If you still want to have a little companionship maybe you try a study date or meet up for things like lunch or gym time that are already in your schedule.

3. Don't go for the same guys as your friends, it won't end well
When school begins it's hot and everything's beautiful, and you line up with your friends and pick out who gets who. But just make sure you don't all go for the same person. You may jokingly agree that "(S)he's fine" but when somebody gets serious things could get ugly.