Absence makes the heart grow fonder...?

So... I am going to put a link to a video on here and I want you to watch it, but I also want you to come back as soon as you finish.:)

This is a video clip from the animated verision of Robin Hood about the love he had for the Maid Marian and how their love stood the test of time. Click here to watch.

So my question is: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or give room to wander???

Most of my friends are in long distance relationships and I must admit I have a bit of experience with it as well. But I also have dated and have friends who have dated in close proximity and I often wonder which is better. And I know those of you who are in long distance relationships are saying, C'mon it sucks and you know it! And yes, it does suck, and yes, I do know it. But with the same token it does have its perks. For instance, in a long distance relationship the time you do spend together is so precious and so much fun because you both know how rare it is. The distance also allows you a bit of freedom - time to develop a personality, friends, and hobbies of your own. Whereas, some relationships can become too clingy when people live close to each other and women tend to take on the likes and dislikes of the person they're with.

But after all of those good things fade from your memory and you realize that you are in a relationship, but you're still alone... well it sucks.

So like I was saying earlier, and to answer the question, yes absence does make the heart grow fonder. It keeps things fresh and allows for the romance to stay more like courting. When you are dating from a distance, you actually go on dates as oppossed to just hanging out all the time. It gives you something beautiful to look forward to as the days pass while you are apart.

But don't make it too long! You should schedule regular visits and stick to them. Find your limit, the absolute most amount of time you can be apart without going crazy! For instance, if you know you need to see him or her every two weeks then plan trips every other week and alternate who visits who. Which brings me to another point, if at all possible the travels should be equal and balanced. Noone should be putting forth more effort than the other to make this thing work.

And lastly, you have to close the gap eventually. You can't have a permanent long distance relationship. The distance should only be temporal or else the couple may begin to tire of the added stress. If you are serious about the person you are with then you should probably make long term plans to be in the same city. I do, however, know a married couple who has a long distance marriage and it seems to work for them. But that is a specific circumstance and I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for most.

Here's what you said on Twitter!
Rcollier029 @sexintheville "I think it depends on the person and the circumstances. I think, small absence makes you grow fonder but long absence wander."

wrecklessmania @sexintheville "if done right fonder but it can quickly wander."

MsCrimson_S_nce @sexintheville "I think if the person is truly committed 2 the other and 2 the relationship the heart will grow fonder, otherwise it will wander."

Follow Sex in the Ville on Twitter at "sexintheville"

Sometimes we just don't know what we want!

Last night, my roommate and I had a lovely night out on the town with dinner and a movie!
Our movie of choice - Sex and the City 2.

I am a long time fan of SATC (hence the tribute via the blog title) and have thoroughtly enjoyed the show as well as the first movie. So I was super excited to see the sequal, especially with one of my closest girlfriends. (Random sidenote, there was a couple in the theatre and that is just not a couples movie, that is definitely a girlfriend movie.)

Anywho, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the movie!

In this movie Carrie is adjusting to the married life. Only two years into their marriage, (though they've been on and off for years) Carrie and Big are still adjusting to being together full time. And though Carrie loves Big, she longs for the single gal's life she once lavished in as she strutted down the streets of New York.

Carrie goes through several adventures in the movie, including meeting up with Aiden, (yummy!) and all of these things only remind her of how much she loves Big. She tries to revert back to her single ways to avoid being an old married couple that just sits in front of the television and orders take out. But in the end, Carrie realizes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable and settled in a stable relationship. She had been chasing after the man of her dreams for years (nearly a decade) and just didn't really know how to act once she finally got him (like many of us do).

Carrie finally settles down into a slower paced, married life (all the while looking fabulous of course!) and in the mean time she has a blast with her three best friends. The moral of the story is appreciate what you have, find really good friends, and keep them around.

So some people say it wasn't as good as the first one, while others say it was better than the first. But in my personal opinion, it was neither better than nor worse than the first. I think that it was an appropriate sequal that continued on the story of four friends and the men they love.

Famous SATC Quotes
"Big-Which is worse?" Carrie-"Samantha, the baby will eventully get tired..."
"Maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we’ve been dealt, and accessorize what we’ve got." — Carrie
"I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet." — Carrie

Why are men so lazy!

#epicfail to the eternal laziness of men in the department of romance.

Ok so this post goes against everything I learned this morning in my HR video on pluralistic communication and it is very sexist of me to group all men together and call them lazy but... OH WELL.

I have a friend who opened up to me about 6 months ago about a friend she had who she really cared about and frankly wants to marry. The problem is they were stuck in the friend zone and she did not know how to move forward into a more romantic relationship without the all too dreaded risk of losing him. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I encouraged her to take that chance and be open and honest with him about her feelings (in hopes that he would confess his undying love for her as well).

But things did not really go as planned. He did not return her feelings and I, of course, felt terrible for being the one to cause her heart to be broken by him.

Well to fast forward from December to now, he has finally told her that he loves her! Of course I was ecstatic because I just absolutely love a good romance success story. But my question is, why did it take 6 months for any progress???

The answer to the question Why are Men so Lazy? can be found at this site for dating and relationship tips & advice. They bring up a good point because they remind us that men are designed as hunters. So while we were out being busy bodies, picking the nuts and berries they were out being still and calm, hunting their prey. So we may be more aggressive naturally, and what we take as laziness may just be them taking there time. Some men really need to get their ducks in a row before they fully committ to us in the way that we want. And that, I believe, is comendable.

Don't get me wrong though, some men are just lazy. They've gotten complacent in the current state of the relationship and are ok with the lack of progression. So don't let that happen to you!

Here are a few tips from the site on how to keep this from happening:
1. Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn't like them
2. Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
3. Never become lazy yourself
4. Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
5. Don't always return his phone calls
6. Ensure you retain male friends you had before
7. Do not run around after him
8. Find his weak spots and use them when need be
9. Don't be at his beck and call
10. Go on vacation with your friends

I Like it Thug Style

So I've been watching The VH1 Hip Hop Honors... and I've rediscovered how much I love "thugs". Well I'm not sure if thug is the right word to use, but that's the word I'm going to use.

So I'm not sure if it's the swag that fellas from the dirty south have or if it's just that country grammar accent that I love, but there's just something about the TIs and Nelly's of the world. I just love Nelly. I think because I used to have Nelly posters all in my walk in closet all of this just reminds me of middle school. Good times... just chillin watchin music videos in the morning before school.

Kind of like this girl, I am not a hood girl. I am very conservative and reserved and some might even say boojee. When Bow Wow had "Ghetto Girls", I was so sad because I loved him and I loved the song, but I knew I wasn't a ghetto girl... smh. But in my heart of hearts I wanted to be that for LBW.

But what is it about these hood boys that make us love them so much??? I am typically attracted to guys with much more... cleanliness (is the only word i could think of), but there's just somethin about the dirrty south that gets me every time.

Top 10 Favorite Things About Hood Boys
1. (i'll be the last to admit it but) tattoos
2. muscles (and lots of them)
3. that southern accent mixed with bad grammar
4. white tube socks with adidas sandals
5. the swag (gotta love it)
6. the cheap, practical cars (on 22s)
7. the way they can gulp down red kool aid like it's water
8. the way they really love their mama
9. the way they take control and tell you what to do
10. they all seem to know how to rap

Nighttime Rituals

As women, we put our hair through so much during the daytime just to be presentable, for ourselves, and for our public image, but mostly for men. Men love long, beautiful, flowing hair. They want our hair to look like the celebrities they see on t.v., in music videos and in movies.



The trick to having your hair look so fabulous in the daytime is to take care of it at night. Brush it, comb it, oil it, wrap it. Whatever your nighttime hair care regimen is, we all have some sort of routine.



In order for our hair to come out soft and silky in the morning we have to tie it down at night so it doesn't get out of control. And that means going to bed looking any kind of way
And sometimes we even end up looking like this...


But I've noticed that it's not just hair. Everyone goes to bed and has some sort of nighttime regimen that they do. I usually wrap my hair, wash my face, brush my teeth, floss, and put lotion on. And nighttime rituals are good! The really help soothe the transition to sleep.

But I wonder what guys think about all of our habits and how we sometimes look crazy at night. I used to wake up early and unwrap my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face so that I didn't have crust all in my eyes by the time he woke up. And theoretically you could do that, but that gets old and after a while you just don't care!

What do you think about rollers and night scarves to bed? Does practicality trump being "sexy"???

Facebook Official

In this day and age, every major event in your life must be appropriately and immediately documented via Facebook. This social networking site must be the first to be notified of every significant event and decision. This is true for your love life as well.

Everyone always wants to know your relationship status at any given point. And your relationship, whether it's been five weeks or five years, is not validated unless it's "Facebook Official".


Whenever you're in relationship purgatory and there are no particular "titles" explaining and describing your relationhip to other people it can be difficult. Telling a story about your significant other you want to say "My boyfriend said such and such" but technically he's not your boyfriend. Someone asks you if you're in a relationship and you take a long pause. You want to say yes, but the true answer is no, but you're so confused about the blurred lines that you end up saying "uh, yeah kinda". And then you stare off into space wondering how the person you're speaking of would answer the question if/when someone asks them...?

The ups and downs of relationships are only compounded by the publicity of constant notications of "single", "in a relationship", and the ever-dreaded "it's complicated" status. Many are now opting to remove the relationship status alltogether to alleviate the woes of putting your business out there. Choosing not to list whether or not you are in a relationship or who you're in a relationship with can rid you of the constant questioning of your relationship status from your facebook friends, but it can also lead to another problem.

When you are in a relationship the first question you get is, "Is it Facebook Official?". And the answer to that question determines the legitimacy of your relationship in the eyes of the facebook world. But if you really care about someone, and they care about you, that's all that should matter. Labels and titles are beautiful and important to define the parameters of your relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, they only matter in terms of marriage.

So I vote for a new "courting" option of relationship status! What do you think? Is your relationship legit even if it's not Facebook Official?

Summer Vacation

It's that time of year again! The time all college students leave their cares behind and head for some beach somewhere. Cancun. St. Thomas. Miami. Jamaica. The point is to get away and leave all of the stressors of school behind you. After exams are finally over, you may think it's a good idea to go on a vacation with your boyfriend, but is that really for the best??

Sometimes, it can be too early in the relationship to take such a big step. Going on vacation is difficult enough with your family, (insert horrible childhood road trip experience here) so you have to be sure that you are 100% ready to attempt something like this with your significant other. You really learn what someone's made of when you are stuck in a car with them (or on a plane, or on a train...). I have gotten in several fights over directions going a few miles up the street, so that's definitely not what you want on a long distance trip!

While going on vacation with your boo can have negative outcomes, it could have a very positive one as well. Going away together could be a great way to see his habits in a way that you would if you were to live together, without the messiness of moving in, splitting bills, and getting in over your head! On the trip, pay attention to how he brushes his teeth. If he squeezes the toothpaste down to the end and you don't like that, take note. And it's up to you to decide if that's something you can live with or not, but at least now you'll know!

Another thing to be mindful of is how he handles certain situations. For instance, if there is an unforseen issue with the hotel reservation and he blows up on the front desk clerk, that may be a red flag for you! Take note of how he interacts in this situation because it is when people are out of their element that they are most likely to show their true colors.

Susan Johnston, a freelance writer who covers career and lifestyle topics, had a great article on Taking Your First Vacation Together.

Her top 4 suggestions were:
1. Agree on a destination
2. Start small
3. Allow for time apart
4. Decide on who's paying for what before you leave

I think all four recommendations are appropriate, but my two favorite are #2 and #4. There is nothing worse, than fighting about money on a trip that is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Work out all of the details at home in a way that is civil and fair for both parites. While many of my friends recommended a trip to Vegas or a cruise to the islands (and that sounds nice), I am a firm believer in putting your pinkie toe in the water before you dive in! If you start out small and are successful, there's always room for bigger & better trips together!

But the most important thing when going on your first "sleep away" trip is to HAVE FUN!!!