Money Matters Monday: Pump or Pay?

Is chivalry dead? And if it is, do we care??? Should a man pump and/or pay for gas? Does it matter anymore?

In this day and age, women are becoming more independent in heterosexual relationships and most couples share duties and responsibilities (or at least attempt to do so). Independent women across the world and specifically in America, are now learning to do things on their own that were once considered men's chores.

Take out the trash. Kill the bugs. Wash the cars. Pump the gas. We have asked so much of men in exchange for a few home-cooked meals and a clean house. We have asked them to do all of the dirty, grimy jobs because we were previously considered weak, dainty, and frail. But now words like strong and powerful are being associated with females as well as males. We are finding our strength in many aspects of our lives, but are there still some things that we expect a man to do?

My childhood upbringing tells me that the man in the relationship should always pump AND pay for the gas whenever present. I grew up with pretty conservative, traditional ideals, but the older I get, the more I lean towards a more liberal view on traditional male and female roles. And experiencing life as a single, black female in my twenties is teaching me to do things on my own. Learning to live life without leaning on my parents or a man has lead me to merge my traditional values with my recent feminist beliefs.

As far as pumping goes, I think that it would be nice and respectful for any man (cousin, brother, boyfriend, or dad) to pump gas for a lady, especially in the colder winter months. This tradition originally began because gas pumps were not as user-friendly as they are now. But I think it's still nice.

In terms of who should pay for the gas when dating, it depends. I would like to say that the man pays every time (because I'm a woman), but that's just unfair and unreasonable for any man. If it's my car and I am the one driving it, then I should not expect you to pay just because you happen to be riding in the car with me when I need to fill up. That's a little rude. BUT if you are borrowing my car or we are running earrands for you, you should AT LEAST offer to pay for gas. I don't know if anyone has noticed but gas is expensive nowadays!

According to AAA's Daily Fuel Gauge Report, the national average for gas prices is $3.04 for regular. The national average was $2.86 a month ago and $2.59 just a year ago. Meanwhile, I remember when it was only 99 cents. Gas prices reached $4.11 in 2008! If I'm taking you to work and to your mama's house and everywhere else you need to go, these favors don't come cheap. I also think it's only fair to offer gas money when someone has had to travel a long distance for a date or visit. But that should go for both men and women.

Comments from Fluther.com:

Your girlfriend is driving the car. Who pumps the gas?

In my case, it would be my wife driving the car and it would be me getting out to pump the gas.

A. Because it is the gentlemanly thing to do
B. The gas is going on my debit card anyway and it’s in my wallet
C. Refer to answer ‘A’

I can pump my own gas, thanks. Seriously though, bring me sour patch watermelons and a sour cherry slurpee. One of those metal straws that get super cold is a bonus. =]


If the tank is on the passenger side i will think about it (depending on my money situation) if not then i just sit there and wait, maybe go inside to get her a drink or something.

Here's what you said on Facebook!

SBC: If I am driving and a man is in the car, then he should pump the gas at the station.

Career Crossroads

Flight Attendant, Lawyer, Photographer, Journalist. Though I've had several dreams and aspirations of what to be when I "grow up", I pretty much had it settled that I would become a reporter by eighth grade. Most men, however, are still figuring it out... Why?!

Why is it that men always seem to be wandering through life aimlessly or chasing some pipe dream? Meanwhile, women are so focused on chasing their careers that they have absolutely no time to chase (or be chased by) a man.

I'm not sure if it began with Rosie the Riveter or if it started when mass amounts of women went to work in the 80s, but somewhere along the way women took over the corporate world. It seems to me that women are just much more focused on their careers than men, starting as early as high school. Women are more focused and concerned about applying to colleges, taking all the AP classes, and getting a high GPA to get into the best schools possible. Men wait until the last possible minute to apply to colleges, are less likely to take AP or Dual Enrollment courses, and tend not to put forth the extra effort in class and just do enough to get by.

Then once we get to college, the proof is in the pudding. The proportion of men to women at universities and colleges today is unbelievable. "There are more men than women ages 18-24 in the USA — 15 million vs. 14.2 million, according to a Census Bureau estimate last year. But nationally, the male/female ratio on campus today is 43/57, a reversal from the late 1960s and well beyond the nearly even splits of the mid-1970s." (USA Today) At my school the statistics are worse than the national average, at only 31% male.

This recent trend presents us with several problems in our love lives. For starters, if men are flaky and women are focused in their career worlds than they will be the same way in their relationships. Men will treat the relationship as something casual and less concrete until they have narrowed in on a career path. They cannot fully commit to you until they no what their purpose in life is and how they can adequately provide for you. It's in their nature. We are not historically, the head of the household, so we tend to be less concerned with the weight that comes with trying to provide for a family.

Another issue with this is the fact that it forces women to choose between their romance and their careers. It's difficult for women to find love when they are surrounded by men who are going nowhere fast. We need partners who will uplift us, encourage us, inspire us. But instead we end up motivating them into a career. Eventually either he leaves because he feels inferior or she leaves in search of someone on her level. It's a lose-lose situation either way.

This is a never-ending issue that we all face at one point or another, but all we can do is be patient. Keep chasing your dream and your dream guy will appear at the right time. But whatever you do, never settle for less than your best.

Childless Generation??

To continue on in the subject of the Career vs. Family issue I want to discuss a study I came across on AOL News. According to a recent study done by the Pew Research Center, 1 in 5 women of childbearing age (about 40) are opting not to have children.

Once again I will mention that I am nowhere near the "childbearing years" (well I guess biologically I am but you know what I mean). This study doesn't directly effect me (yet), but I do find it to be quite interesting.

The study found three main reasons in this change in women's titles or roles in society. The first reason was a recent trend in delayed marriage as well as delayed childbearing. And if you do the math it actually makes sense. Graduate from high school at 18, spend four years in college and graduate at 22, perhaps a couple years in grad school (to be an oberachiever and go for the Master's). By the time you finish your education you're 24 and then it's just time to start moving up in your career. And education and your career is at least something you can plan. Falling in love and getting married... not so much.

The second reason pointed to the diminished social pressure to have children. Having children used to be just the thing you did after marriage. Married with kids seemed to be some sort of predestined job description for women in years past. Now, however, birth control and the Women's Rights Movement have prompted a great deal of options and control for women. Our destiny is now in our hands. You don't necessarily have to have kids. It's now becoming an option for those who choose to do so, and when they choose to do so.

The study also found that there are now expanded job opportunities for women. Women used to go to school to get their "M-R-S degree", but now going to college is about much more than finding a man to marry. Women are more focused on gaining an education and more centered on reaching their goals.

In the end, it only matters that every woman is happy with her decision. Women are finding that those without kids "are not more depressed" and have a psychological well-being just as high as those with children. You just have to make a decision that best fits you, whether it's putting off the soccer mom thing or avoiding it altogether!