Back to School... Back to Boys!

So it's that time of year again... time to hit the books and focus. While some of you may choose to focus on your studies, others will focus on finding a new boo.

Whether you're starting kindergarten or going for your Master's, there's just something about the school year that sparks the desire to start everything in your life fresh and new. You buy new clothes, get a new hair cut, and sometimes a new bf/gf. But before you get back I have a few tips for you (and reminders for me ;) ).

1. Unless you're a freshman, don't hunt out the freshies!
I know it is very tempting to us all when you see new people (prey) on campus, but try to refrain. Sophomore year it's not so bad, junior year it's a little risky, but for those of us who will be seniors in the fall... STOP! It's not cool to be a cougar in college. When you've been there and done that, it's kind of hard to go through those growing pains with someone else. You need someone who is on your level and is going in the same direction as you.

2. Don't let dating distract you (too much) from your school work
It's important to have fun in college, but you should also keep in mind why you're there in the first place. Relationships in school can consume your spare time and replace the much-needed libarary time. I hate to sound parental, but you gotta take a step back and remember to stay focused. If you still want to have a little companionship maybe you try a study date or meet up for things like lunch or gym time that are already in your schedule.

3. Don't go for the same guys as your friends, it won't end well
When school begins it's hot and everything's beautiful, and you line up with your friends and pick out who gets who. But just make sure you don't all go for the same person. You may jokingly agree that "(S)he's fine" but when somebody gets serious things could get ugly.

Summer Vacay Update

At the beginning of the summer I did a post on Summer Vacations and I had every intention of going on one myself, but that didn't quite happen... but I wanted to do an update on the couple's trip since the summer's almost over and the beach trips are coming to a close.

Going on a couples trip can either go really wrong or really well. It will either bring you closer or farther apart. So it is very important to make sure it is something you are both ready for - financially and emotionally. Before you go on the trip you should be able to answer Yes to these three questions: 1) Can you spend more than 24 hours with this person? 2) Can you afford this trip? 3) Do you love this person? If the answer to these three questions is yes than you are probably in for a good trip. But if the answer to just one of these questions is no, then you're probably headed for a disaster.

If the roadtrip was not a disaster you have that as a milestone in your relationship to always remember. It is a huge roadblock that you've accomplished with ease, so pat yourselves on the back. You can now pass Go and collect $200. Feel free to post a Facebook album full of pictures for everyone to stalk you on and be jealous! But once you've taken care of that don't forget to send a love note. It's important to show your appreciation for a successful, stress-free getaway with your significant other. You've probably both been working hard all summer and really needed that time away together. So don't take for granted the fact that the trip went well or even happened at all. Via Facebook, e-mail, or snail mail tell your loved one that you enjoyed the time you spent, that the trip was lovely and well-planned, and that you can't wait to do it again. (only say this if you mean it) He or she will really appreciate the acknowledgement and will probably start planning the next trip right away.

If the roadtrip was a disaster. There is no need to run for the phonebook and seek couple's therapy and you don't necessarily have to break up right away. I do know one couple in particular who almost broke off their engagement because of roadtrip rage, but they are now still engaged and happy and have just realized how to better travel together. You have to completely assess the situation and decide if the issues that came up on the trip are major or minor. If the issues you had are major then you should probably talk about whether or not you should be together. But if the issues you had are minor then you need to talk about how to fix them and have a better trip next time. The key is to talk. Don't just ignore the problems and act like everything went well. It is, however, okay to tell your friends everything went well. They're just being nosey and there's no need to bring roadtrip drama home.


Below are a few Road Trip Tips for Couples who may venture out in the future.
1. Plan your trip together
2. Don't turn a roadtrip into a chore
3. While you're on the road, lavish your partner with extra consideration and kindness
4. Assign responsibilities, and then resist the temptation to interfere with how tasks are accomplished
5. Think carefully about the driving, as this is the biggest single task on a road trip
6. Don't let the grouchies get the upper hand
7. Keep a journal, and if you take pictures, take the time to organize them into an easy-to-enjoy format (i.e. Shutterfly's Photo Books)
8. Remember that the journey's the thing

Aren't ya glad you didn't marry HIM!!!

Can you imagine what it would be like if you had married all of your exes? Or even worse, if you'd had kids with them? I think I have pretty good taste and pretty high standards, but when I look at where some of my exes are now ... boy am I grateful they're exes!

At the time, break-ups seem like the worst possible scenario ever. You still love, or at least care about the person and can't imagine them being a part of your past instead of your future. But hindsight is 20/20! When you bump into your exes at the grocery store or in the mall and you see what they look like now! Whew! Dodged a bullet!

I have three exes in particular that just make me shake my head and wonder where they went wrong. I would just like to say that they were good, upstanding young men when I was with them.

1. I recently discovered that one of my exes has transformed into a wanna-be Thug. He had his shirt tucked in when he was with me! I actually met him at a Young Writer's summer program at the community college. And I had to break up with him because he was so much of a momma's boy! She wouldn't hardly let him do anything and I just couldn't handle that. But look at him now. One of my best friends sent me his Facebook pics and it is a shame! I almost started crying looking at how much he has changed for the worse. I'm not going to say his name, but let me say that it is not at all hood or thug or "goon status". Gold chains, gold teeth, and all tatted up! Thank goodness I broke up with him when I did!

2. One of my exes is rumored to be a homosexual (Gay). He never told me that he was/is, so I always say "allegedly" or "supposedly" until it's confirmed firsthand. But I must admit that he was very emotional and open and available and I just thought he was sensitive because he was raised by his mother and grandmother, but... who knows. He did get his hair cut every week, whiten his teeth, and take longer to get ready then me, but... who knows. He was a great boyfriend though, knew me inside/out. But I broke up with him because I wanted to start dating someone else, so I guess I'll never know...

3. One of my other exes is now somebody's Baby daddy. :( I'm not trying to judge or say I wouldn't date someone with a kid, but I'm just sayin you can't afford me if you're buyin Huggies!!! I am pretty high-maintenance and I'm not afraid to say it. I have been spoiled by my parents, my sister, and my last boyfriend and I cannot go down from that. There's no turning back. I just don't see how you can afford to take me out when you've got to dish out the child support! Maybe when I get older more men my age will have babies, but for now I can date single men without children. He did try to talk to me again when I saw him at a party, and I was reminded of how sweet and cute he was, but I just kept thinking Huggies, Huggies...

Celebreality

Kim Kardashian is the #1 fantasy of men across the country and perhaps even the world. And she's also a fantasy for many women. Men fantasize about being with her while women fantasize about being her.

Love her or hate her you cannot hate on her body. She's in shape, but still has the curves. She has fortune and fame and it seems like she couldn't want for more. I was watching the Kourtney & Khloe show today and I just realized that celebrities have so many insecurities and face some of the same issues that we do. It was a really crazy moment because we go to the gym (or do the Kim Kardashian workout DVDs) and spend hours on end trying to get the bodies in the magazines, but the very people who have those bodies (some with the help of airbrushing) still don't have it all!

Kim confided (on national tv) in a friend that she didn't feel like she would meet anyone after Reggie (Bush). And I thought Wow if Kim Kardashian doesn't think she can find anyone than there must be no hope for the rest of us! But clearly she's a person. A human being. Not the mega superstar who poses for all of the magazines. She is a real person who faces the same issues we all do - finding someone to settle down with and live happily ever after with (just like in the fairytales). On the show she spoke about how she had hoped to be married, have one kid and another on the way by the time she was 30. Kim, who will turn 30 in October, is nowhere near the soccer mom track, but who knows what the future holds. For her, or for those of us who envy her.


Celebrity Soccer Mom's who (seem to) have it all:
1. Jennifer Garner
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Kendra Wilkinson
4. Kimora Lee Simmons
5. Jada Pinkett-Smith
6. Christina Aguilera
7. Nicole Ritchie
8. Jessica Alba
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Katie Holmes

Career Crossroads

Flight Attendant, Lawyer, Photographer, Journalist. Though I've had several dreams and aspirations of what to be when I "grow up", I pretty much had it settled that I would become a reporter by eighth grade. Most men, however, are still figuring it out... Why?!

Why is it that men always seem to be wandering through life aimlessly or chasing some pipe dream? Meanwhile, women are so focused on chasing their careers that they have absolutely no time to chase (or be chased by) a man.

I'm not sure if it began with Rosie the Riveter or if it started when mass amounts of women went to work in the 80s, but somewhere along the way women took over the corporate world. It seems to me that women are just much more focused on their careers than men, starting as early as high school. Women are more focused and concerned about applying to colleges, taking all the AP classes, and getting a high GPA to get into the best schools possible. Men wait until the last possible minute to apply to colleges, are less likely to take AP or Dual Enrollment courses, and tend not to put forth the extra effort in class and just do enough to get by.

Then once we get to college, the proof is in the pudding. The proportion of men to women at universities and colleges today is unbelievable. "There are more men than women ages 18-24 in the USA — 15 million vs. 14.2 million, according to a Census Bureau estimate last year. But nationally, the male/female ratio on campus today is 43/57, a reversal from the late 1960s and well beyond the nearly even splits of the mid-1970s." (USA Today) At my school the statistics are worse than the national average, at only 31% male.

This recent trend presents us with several problems in our love lives. For starters, if men are flaky and women are focused in their career worlds than they will be the same way in their relationships. Men will treat the relationship as something casual and less concrete until they have narrowed in on a career path. They cannot fully commit to you until they no what their purpose in life is and how they can adequately provide for you. It's in their nature. We are not historically, the head of the household, so we tend to be less concerned with the weight that comes with trying to provide for a family.

Another issue with this is the fact that it forces women to choose between their romance and their careers. It's difficult for women to find love when they are surrounded by men who are going nowhere fast. We need partners who will uplift us, encourage us, inspire us. But instead we end up motivating them into a career. Eventually either he leaves because he feels inferior or she leaves in search of someone on her level. It's a lose-lose situation either way.

This is a never-ending issue that we all face at one point or another, but all we can do is be patient. Keep chasing your dream and your dream guy will appear at the right time. But whatever you do, never settle for less than your best.

Communication ... or lack thereof

I finally got my world back! I have been without internet access for about 48 hours and it has literally driven me up a wall. I'm going crazy without the ability to check my e-mail, facebook, twitter, blog, etc. I do everything online from online banking to online shopping. From random Google searches to well homework (sometime after the blogging). But thanks to the beauty of Free Wi-Fi (@ Starbucks) the little icon with the two computers is now accompanied with my little world.

It's crazy how addicted we've become to all of this technology that has entered our worlds. From the laptop to the cell phone (and all of the other new toys) we have so many things to have relationships with that we can sometimes become distracted from our real relationships.

I was watching Kourtney & Khloe the other day and Kourtney was so annoyed with Kim's Blackberry addiction that she hid both her Blackberry and her laptop from her in search of some sisterly bonding. Kim eventually found both hidden in the car, but it made me think about how crazy that is that technology has such a big hold on us today. We can't live without our cell phones on our hips and some form of internet access nearby.

It has become so quick and easy to look up directions online, find answers to questions via Google, or just have 24 hour access to some type of social media. We are addicted to all of these things that are supposed to bring us closer together, but in fact only make us farther apart. It's amazing how you can be sitting right across the table from someone having a conversation and they hear nothing you said. We have got to fix this disconnect.

Though I'm not as bad as most (because I do not yet have the BB or iPhone) I too am addicted to technology and its availability. But I recommend that we take time to remember that we didn't always have all of this. What did we ever do before technology??

We read books. Real books, not virtual ones downloaded. We had conversations. Real conversations, not digital chats. We spent time. Real time, not coexisting but ignoring each other. We lived. And I suggest we take a few moments everyday and remember to live again. I suggest we let go of the things that have become so much a part of our everyday lives and go live agian.

Here's what you said on Twitter:
What's your favorite way to communicate?
asaarpopn8267 @sexintheville: face 2 face is always the best way 2 communicate...
mrfantastic06 @sexintheville: Texting.
nmd195 @sexintheville: @lureport and i went old school this summer with snail mail. it helped strengthn us while we were 200 miles apart

Why I Need A Man

I must say that I am an independent woman. I can buy my own, take care of my own, and make it in a lot of things on my own. But when it comes to certain things in life ... the fact of the matter is I still need a man.

To make a long story short, my car just decided to act up and I of course I had no idea what to do. I called my first line of defense immediately - my mom, my dad, and my sister. But they were no help at all. At the end of the day I just had to make a decision on my own.

But I really needed a man to make a good mechanical decision because when it comes to cars I am completely clueless. I call my dad for help, but with him being so far away it would really help to have someone closer who could give me advice. I am pretty good about staying calm in stressful situations like this, but my biggest concern is that I will make the wrong choice as the mechanics spit out all of this information with their technical auto jargon of things that "have to be done". Are they just trying to get over on me because I'm a woman? Are they really looking out for my best interest?

I guess I'll never really know. And I'll never really know or understand why there are certain things in life that women still need men for, but in the meantime I will just try to utilize Google! I will make every effort to research and learn more about cars to educate myself so I won't end up in this situation again. As nice as it is to be dependent on men to do the masculine things, I must move beyond the stereotype and teach myself how to help myself. I am going to stay on top of my regular maintinance and services, get an auto emergency kit, and start saving to have emergency funds. I will be prepared for those times when there's just not a man around!


What I Need A Man For
1. Procreation
2. Companionship
3. Kill A Spider
4. Open Jars
5. Not-so-honest opinion
6. Meaningless Facts
7. Comfy Sleep Clothes
8. Lawn Work
9. Take out the Trash
10. Car Repair