Communication ... or lack thereof

I finally got my world back! I have been without internet access for about 48 hours and it has literally driven me up a wall. I'm going crazy without the ability to check my e-mail, facebook, twitter, blog, etc. I do everything online from online banking to online shopping. From random Google searches to well homework (sometime after the blogging). But thanks to the beauty of Free Wi-Fi (@ Starbucks) the little icon with the two computers is now accompanied with my little world.

It's crazy how addicted we've become to all of this technology that has entered our worlds. From the laptop to the cell phone (and all of the other new toys) we have so many things to have relationships with that we can sometimes become distracted from our real relationships.

I was watching Kourtney & Khloe the other day and Kourtney was so annoyed with Kim's Blackberry addiction that she hid both her Blackberry and her laptop from her in search of some sisterly bonding. Kim eventually found both hidden in the car, but it made me think about how crazy that is that technology has such a big hold on us today. We can't live without our cell phones on our hips and some form of internet access nearby.

It has become so quick and easy to look up directions online, find answers to questions via Google, or just have 24 hour access to some type of social media. We are addicted to all of these things that are supposed to bring us closer together, but in fact only make us farther apart. It's amazing how you can be sitting right across the table from someone having a conversation and they hear nothing you said. We have got to fix this disconnect.

Though I'm not as bad as most (because I do not yet have the BB or iPhone) I too am addicted to technology and its availability. But I recommend that we take time to remember that we didn't always have all of this. What did we ever do before technology??

We read books. Real books, not virtual ones downloaded. We had conversations. Real conversations, not digital chats. We spent time. Real time, not coexisting but ignoring each other. We lived. And I suggest we take a few moments everyday and remember to live again. I suggest we let go of the things that have become so much a part of our everyday lives and go live agian.

Here's what you said on Twitter:
What's your favorite way to communicate?
asaarpopn8267 @sexintheville: face 2 face is always the best way 2 communicate...
mrfantastic06 @sexintheville: Texting.
nmd195 @sexintheville: @lureport and i went old school this summer with snail mail. it helped strengthn us while we were 200 miles apart

Why I Need A Man

I must say that I am an independent woman. I can buy my own, take care of my own, and make it in a lot of things on my own. But when it comes to certain things in life ... the fact of the matter is I still need a man.

To make a long story short, my car just decided to act up and I of course I had no idea what to do. I called my first line of defense immediately - my mom, my dad, and my sister. But they were no help at all. At the end of the day I just had to make a decision on my own.

But I really needed a man to make a good mechanical decision because when it comes to cars I am completely clueless. I call my dad for help, but with him being so far away it would really help to have someone closer who could give me advice. I am pretty good about staying calm in stressful situations like this, but my biggest concern is that I will make the wrong choice as the mechanics spit out all of this information with their technical auto jargon of things that "have to be done". Are they just trying to get over on me because I'm a woman? Are they really looking out for my best interest?

I guess I'll never really know. And I'll never really know or understand why there are certain things in life that women still need men for, but in the meantime I will just try to utilize Google! I will make every effort to research and learn more about cars to educate myself so I won't end up in this situation again. As nice as it is to be dependent on men to do the masculine things, I must move beyond the stereotype and teach myself how to help myself. I am going to stay on top of my regular maintinance and services, get an auto emergency kit, and start saving to have emergency funds. I will be prepared for those times when there's just not a man around!


What I Need A Man For
1. Procreation
2. Companionship
3. Kill A Spider
4. Open Jars
5. Not-so-honest opinion
6. Meaningless Facts
7. Comfy Sleep Clothes
8. Lawn Work
9. Take out the Trash
10. Car Repair

Dinner for One

Is it okay to eat alone?

So I went to a Mexican restaurant (because I love Mexican food) and grabbed lunch on my break. The woman basically kicked me out, didn't even ask if I wanted my food "for here or to go". She just bagged it up and assumed I couldn't possibly be dining in since I was by myself. And of course my first thought was How Rude!

Sometimes when I'm working I like to dine in on my lunch break just to get a new environment for one hour out of the day. But for some reason being alone is a "to-go only" zone. It made me mad, but I just took my bagged almuerza (lunch) and headed back to the break room.

The truth of the matter is she was actually making a reasonable assumption because most people don't like eating out alone. I've even been known to whip the cell phone to call people just so I didn't have to sit there awkwardly eating by myself. And you don't necessarily care so much that you are alone. It's moreso the fact that everyone else is feeling sorry for you being alone that bothers you most.

It is going to be very difficult, but you have to take pride in eating alone ... build your self esteem. The importance of eating alone is about developing a relationship with yourself. Date yourself. You have to, at some point, be okay with being alone. Even though eating is traditionally a social event - meeting friends, holidays with family, or even romantic dates - we must find the confidence to just be at the table and wine and dine ourselves. The big piece that will be missing from dining alone as opposed to joining friends or family is the conversation. We all use the time while our food is being prepared to catch up and talk about our days, but one blogger suggest you bring a book or newspaper to occupy your time. Catch up on the news or delve into a good novel! So Bon Apetit!

Where to go when you date yourself
1. To the Movies
2. To get a Mani/Pedi
3. To walk at the park
4. To get a Massage
5. To work out at the gym
6. To the bookstore to read
7. And of course out to eat!

Here's What You Said on Twitter:
DynamicDelight RT @sexintheville: Can you eat out by yourself?<-Yea, but you look like a creeper/ loser
DIRTY479 @sexintheville: No way cuzo!! lol
kristinnsmith @sexintheville: Definitely, as long as the restaurant isn't busy, otherwise I'd feel awkward

Is it wise to give advice???

"I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

As someone who writes a relationship advice column you may find it hard to believe, but I do not like giving advice. Well at least not to my friends. I end up attempting to do so anyway, but it is not exactly my favorite thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about relationships and having discussions about life and love. The issue with advice is it never really works to your advantage when you weigh in on a friend's love life.

I figured I can't be the only one with this problem, so for this post I've come up with a few guidelines for giving your friend advice on the matters of the heart. You've got to take a LAP!

Listen to them. Sometimes they just need to talk.
Accept the fact that they may not take your advice.
Provide options and alternatives for them.

When people come to you with issues or problems with their significant other it's easy to want to tell them what you think, but the truth of the matter is THEY JUST DON'T CARE! They want to vent and get something off their chest, but they do not want to hear your opinion. So to avoid giving out unwanted or unsolicited advice, the first thing you should say to your friend is "Do you want my opinion or do you just want to talk?" That way you know what to do up front and can better help your friend. If they want advice, give it! But if they just want a listening ear, you have got to do just that. Listen. Don't get emotionally involved. And don't be surprised when she stays with him after he did that horrible thing that made her so upset.

Another fact is, when people are having problems, they don't want to DO anything. True friends and family members always want to fix things. But you can't always fix things, especially if the friend doesn't want to do anything to change the situation they're in. You can offer advice and solutions and have charts and graphs and it won't matter one bit! At the end of the day, people do what they want to do and are with who they want to be with. So stop stressing yourself with their love life and just be there for your family member or friend.

"Advice is what we [friends] ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
— Erica Jong

Here's what you said on Facebook!
Should you give your friends relationship advice?
Marie Scearce: "No cause then they never take it when they ask u"

Flirting with Danger...

Today at my news internship I was covering a story and met a guy and he just kept flirting with me and the other intern. I threatened to tell his wife, but his defense was, "Hey you've gotta have fun doing something!" He was old and retired and completely harmless, but he was indeed flirting and it got me to thinking ... What exactly is the harm in flirting?

I am naturally a big flirt so this one's a biggie for me. I have had some issues with flirting affecting my relationships in the past, but in my opinion flirting is not exactly cheating. Flirting is that thing you do to boost your ego and to make you feel sexy and pretty and wanted. Flirting just makes you happy and as long as it's left on the surface, can be perfectly harmless.

But you have to be careful because if you are in a relationship and continue to batt your eyes at others you could be flirting with danger. Flirting is harmless until it becomes not so harmless. It is all really based on actual feelings of attraction, but there's a fine line between general light conversation with a random stranger and sending text messages to someone in the wee hours. You have to keep yourself in check and know your boundaries for your self and your relationship.


The other big thing to look out for is leading someone on when you're "just flirting". Sometimes sending an I-can't-wait-to-see-you-again text that you don't really mean could lead to an actual invitation. And before you know it, the person on the other end is changing their work schedule for you and trying to really make things happen that you had no plans for. And it will just all become a big mess that all started because you had to wink your eye or hug a little too long.
So in the end, I say keep flirting! It's good for you. It makes you feel good and it helps you stay fresh, if you will. Just be very, very careful. But when you do flirt, make sure you do it well. :) I'm sure you all know how to flirt, but just in case here's a link.


Here's what you said on Twitter!

Do you flirt?
DynamicDelight @sexintheville: Yuuup *@TreySongz voice*
Is it okay to flirt at work?
PRHOph3cy @sexintheville: I think so as long as it's harmless and not too forward

Childless Generation??

To continue on in the subject of the Career vs. Family issue I want to discuss a study I came across on AOL News. According to a recent study done by the Pew Research Center, 1 in 5 women of childbearing age (about 40) are opting not to have children.

Once again I will mention that I am nowhere near the "childbearing years" (well I guess biologically I am but you know what I mean). This study doesn't directly effect me (yet), but I do find it to be quite interesting.

The study found three main reasons in this change in women's titles or roles in society. The first reason was a recent trend in delayed marriage as well as delayed childbearing. And if you do the math it actually makes sense. Graduate from high school at 18, spend four years in college and graduate at 22, perhaps a couple years in grad school (to be an oberachiever and go for the Master's). By the time you finish your education you're 24 and then it's just time to start moving up in your career. And education and your career is at least something you can plan. Falling in love and getting married... not so much.

The second reason pointed to the diminished social pressure to have children. Having children used to be just the thing you did after marriage. Married with kids seemed to be some sort of predestined job description for women in years past. Now, however, birth control and the Women's Rights Movement have prompted a great deal of options and control for women. Our destiny is now in our hands. You don't necessarily have to have kids. It's now becoming an option for those who choose to do so, and when they choose to do so.

The study also found that there are now expanded job opportunities for women. Women used to go to school to get their "M-R-S degree", but now going to college is about much more than finding a man to marry. Women are more focused on gaining an education and more centered on reaching their goals.

In the end, it only matters that every woman is happy with her decision. Women are finding that those without kids "are not more depressed" and have a psychological well-being just as high as those with children. You just have to make a decision that best fits you, whether it's putting off the soccer mom thing or avoiding it altogether!

Do women have to give up love for success?

After a long day's work, I came home and made dinner, did the laundry, and still had time to put my feet up and flip between America's Next Top Model and America's Got Talent. But the beauty of this is the fact that I just had to take care of myself. I do not (thank God) have any kids or a husband or anyone else to think about when I get home. So for this week I am wondering: Can we have it all? Or do women have to give up love for success???



In today's world of oober independent, strong women the media gives off the message that the lifestyle of the 1950s wife is no longer necessary. It is now more important for most women to climb the corporate ladder than it is to find a man, marry and multiply. A recent study by the Pew Research Center even suggests that 18% of women in America have not had kids by age 40. And of course this is a complicated study with multiple factors that I will cover later ... but my point is, the growing trend in America is to focus on your future in terms of your career as oppossed to a family.

And according to Forbes.com, No, You Can't Have It All! This article says that their are three exceptions to this rule: having a "house husband", having a flexible work schedule, and having a nanny. But even these offer a "watered-down" version of parenting. And the article suggests that someone who tries to balance both may never make it to the top in her career. The author writes, "It may be in some ways the ideal compromise, but once a woman is no longer available 24-7, she is sure to lose out to her male counterparts."

So even though I am several years away from needing to know how to even try to balance a career and a family, it is something that I think about. This is the time when the climb on the corporate ladder begins. And everything from here on will determine my future. This is the time where we determine and develop our futures. Though the long term is trying to balance soccer practice and business meetings, the short term is trying to balance the full time internship and the dating world. So even though this seems far off, it's actually pretty complicated now too.

While it may seem difficult and perhaps impossible to "have it all", I will still strive to conquer both a successful career and a successful love life. Because there is hope out there for those of us who try to be Superwoman and have it all.



Here's what you said on Twitter:
skeyz91 @sexintheville "No unless they make it their decision. Many women have balanced love and success and had gr8 lives."