Dinner for One

Is it okay to eat alone?

So I went to a Mexican restaurant (because I love Mexican food) and grabbed lunch on my break. The woman basically kicked me out, didn't even ask if I wanted my food "for here or to go". She just bagged it up and assumed I couldn't possibly be dining in since I was by myself. And of course my first thought was How Rude!

Sometimes when I'm working I like to dine in on my lunch break just to get a new environment for one hour out of the day. But for some reason being alone is a "to-go only" zone. It made me mad, but I just took my bagged almuerza (lunch) and headed back to the break room.

The truth of the matter is she was actually making a reasonable assumption because most people don't like eating out alone. I've even been known to whip the cell phone to call people just so I didn't have to sit there awkwardly eating by myself. And you don't necessarily care so much that you are alone. It's moreso the fact that everyone else is feeling sorry for you being alone that bothers you most.

It is going to be very difficult, but you have to take pride in eating alone ... build your self esteem. The importance of eating alone is about developing a relationship with yourself. Date yourself. You have to, at some point, be okay with being alone. Even though eating is traditionally a social event - meeting friends, holidays with family, or even romantic dates - we must find the confidence to just be at the table and wine and dine ourselves. The big piece that will be missing from dining alone as opposed to joining friends or family is the conversation. We all use the time while our food is being prepared to catch up and talk about our days, but one blogger suggest you bring a book or newspaper to occupy your time. Catch up on the news or delve into a good novel! So Bon Apetit!

Where to go when you date yourself
1. To the Movies
2. To get a Mani/Pedi
3. To walk at the park
4. To get a Massage
5. To work out at the gym
6. To the bookstore to read
7. And of course out to eat!

Here's What You Said on Twitter:
DynamicDelight RT @sexintheville: Can you eat out by yourself?<-Yea, but you look like a creeper/ loser
DIRTY479 @sexintheville: No way cuzo!! lol
kristinnsmith @sexintheville: Definitely, as long as the restaurant isn't busy, otherwise I'd feel awkward

Is it wise to give advice???

"I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

As someone who writes a relationship advice column you may find it hard to believe, but I do not like giving advice. Well at least not to my friends. I end up attempting to do so anyway, but it is not exactly my favorite thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about relationships and having discussions about life and love. The issue with advice is it never really works to your advantage when you weigh in on a friend's love life.

I figured I can't be the only one with this problem, so for this post I've come up with a few guidelines for giving your friend advice on the matters of the heart. You've got to take a LAP!

Listen to them. Sometimes they just need to talk.
Accept the fact that they may not take your advice.
Provide options and alternatives for them.

When people come to you with issues or problems with their significant other it's easy to want to tell them what you think, but the truth of the matter is THEY JUST DON'T CARE! They want to vent and get something off their chest, but they do not want to hear your opinion. So to avoid giving out unwanted or unsolicited advice, the first thing you should say to your friend is "Do you want my opinion or do you just want to talk?" That way you know what to do up front and can better help your friend. If they want advice, give it! But if they just want a listening ear, you have got to do just that. Listen. Don't get emotionally involved. And don't be surprised when she stays with him after he did that horrible thing that made her so upset.

Another fact is, when people are having problems, they don't want to DO anything. True friends and family members always want to fix things. But you can't always fix things, especially if the friend doesn't want to do anything to change the situation they're in. You can offer advice and solutions and have charts and graphs and it won't matter one bit! At the end of the day, people do what they want to do and are with who they want to be with. So stop stressing yourself with their love life and just be there for your family member or friend.

"Advice is what we [friends] ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
— Erica Jong

Here's what you said on Facebook!
Should you give your friends relationship advice?
Marie Scearce: "No cause then they never take it when they ask u"

Flirting with Danger...

Today at my news internship I was covering a story and met a guy and he just kept flirting with me and the other intern. I threatened to tell his wife, but his defense was, "Hey you've gotta have fun doing something!" He was old and retired and completely harmless, but he was indeed flirting and it got me to thinking ... What exactly is the harm in flirting?

I am naturally a big flirt so this one's a biggie for me. I have had some issues with flirting affecting my relationships in the past, but in my opinion flirting is not exactly cheating. Flirting is that thing you do to boost your ego and to make you feel sexy and pretty and wanted. Flirting just makes you happy and as long as it's left on the surface, can be perfectly harmless.

But you have to be careful because if you are in a relationship and continue to batt your eyes at others you could be flirting with danger. Flirting is harmless until it becomes not so harmless. It is all really based on actual feelings of attraction, but there's a fine line between general light conversation with a random stranger and sending text messages to someone in the wee hours. You have to keep yourself in check and know your boundaries for your self and your relationship.


The other big thing to look out for is leading someone on when you're "just flirting". Sometimes sending an I-can't-wait-to-see-you-again text that you don't really mean could lead to an actual invitation. And before you know it, the person on the other end is changing their work schedule for you and trying to really make things happen that you had no plans for. And it will just all become a big mess that all started because you had to wink your eye or hug a little too long.
So in the end, I say keep flirting! It's good for you. It makes you feel good and it helps you stay fresh, if you will. Just be very, very careful. But when you do flirt, make sure you do it well. :) I'm sure you all know how to flirt, but just in case here's a link.


Here's what you said on Twitter!

Do you flirt?
DynamicDelight @sexintheville: Yuuup *@TreySongz voice*
Is it okay to flirt at work?
PRHOph3cy @sexintheville: I think so as long as it's harmless and not too forward

Childless Generation??

To continue on in the subject of the Career vs. Family issue I want to discuss a study I came across on AOL News. According to a recent study done by the Pew Research Center, 1 in 5 women of childbearing age (about 40) are opting not to have children.

Once again I will mention that I am nowhere near the "childbearing years" (well I guess biologically I am but you know what I mean). This study doesn't directly effect me (yet), but I do find it to be quite interesting.

The study found three main reasons in this change in women's titles or roles in society. The first reason was a recent trend in delayed marriage as well as delayed childbearing. And if you do the math it actually makes sense. Graduate from high school at 18, spend four years in college and graduate at 22, perhaps a couple years in grad school (to be an oberachiever and go for the Master's). By the time you finish your education you're 24 and then it's just time to start moving up in your career. And education and your career is at least something you can plan. Falling in love and getting married... not so much.

The second reason pointed to the diminished social pressure to have children. Having children used to be just the thing you did after marriage. Married with kids seemed to be some sort of predestined job description for women in years past. Now, however, birth control and the Women's Rights Movement have prompted a great deal of options and control for women. Our destiny is now in our hands. You don't necessarily have to have kids. It's now becoming an option for those who choose to do so, and when they choose to do so.

The study also found that there are now expanded job opportunities for women. Women used to go to school to get their "M-R-S degree", but now going to college is about much more than finding a man to marry. Women are more focused on gaining an education and more centered on reaching their goals.

In the end, it only matters that every woman is happy with her decision. Women are finding that those without kids "are not more depressed" and have a psychological well-being just as high as those with children. You just have to make a decision that best fits you, whether it's putting off the soccer mom thing or avoiding it altogether!

Do women have to give up love for success?

After a long day's work, I came home and made dinner, did the laundry, and still had time to put my feet up and flip between America's Next Top Model and America's Got Talent. But the beauty of this is the fact that I just had to take care of myself. I do not (thank God) have any kids or a husband or anyone else to think about when I get home. So for this week I am wondering: Can we have it all? Or do women have to give up love for success???



In today's world of oober independent, strong women the media gives off the message that the lifestyle of the 1950s wife is no longer necessary. It is now more important for most women to climb the corporate ladder than it is to find a man, marry and multiply. A recent study by the Pew Research Center even suggests that 18% of women in America have not had kids by age 40. And of course this is a complicated study with multiple factors that I will cover later ... but my point is, the growing trend in America is to focus on your future in terms of your career as oppossed to a family.

And according to Forbes.com, No, You Can't Have It All! This article says that their are three exceptions to this rule: having a "house husband", having a flexible work schedule, and having a nanny. But even these offer a "watered-down" version of parenting. And the article suggests that someone who tries to balance both may never make it to the top in her career. The author writes, "It may be in some ways the ideal compromise, but once a woman is no longer available 24-7, she is sure to lose out to her male counterparts."

So even though I am several years away from needing to know how to even try to balance a career and a family, it is something that I think about. This is the time when the climb on the corporate ladder begins. And everything from here on will determine my future. This is the time where we determine and develop our futures. Though the long term is trying to balance soccer practice and business meetings, the short term is trying to balance the full time internship and the dating world. So even though this seems far off, it's actually pretty complicated now too.

While it may seem difficult and perhaps impossible to "have it all", I will still strive to conquer both a successful career and a successful love life. Because there is hope out there for those of us who try to be Superwoman and have it all.



Here's what you said on Twitter:
skeyz91 @sexintheville "No unless they make it their decision. Many women have balanced love and success and had gr8 lives."

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...?

So... I am going to put a link to a video on here and I want you to watch it, but I also want you to come back as soon as you finish.:)

This is a video clip from the animated verision of Robin Hood about the love he had for the Maid Marian and how their love stood the test of time. Click here to watch.

So my question is: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or give room to wander???

Most of my friends are in long distance relationships and I must admit I have a bit of experience with it as well. But I also have dated and have friends who have dated in close proximity and I often wonder which is better. And I know those of you who are in long distance relationships are saying, C'mon it sucks and you know it! And yes, it does suck, and yes, I do know it. But with the same token it does have its perks. For instance, in a long distance relationship the time you do spend together is so precious and so much fun because you both know how rare it is. The distance also allows you a bit of freedom - time to develop a personality, friends, and hobbies of your own. Whereas, some relationships can become too clingy when people live close to each other and women tend to take on the likes and dislikes of the person they're with.

But after all of those good things fade from your memory and you realize that you are in a relationship, but you're still alone... well it sucks.

So like I was saying earlier, and to answer the question, yes absence does make the heart grow fonder. It keeps things fresh and allows for the romance to stay more like courting. When you are dating from a distance, you actually go on dates as oppossed to just hanging out all the time. It gives you something beautiful to look forward to as the days pass while you are apart.

But don't make it too long! You should schedule regular visits and stick to them. Find your limit, the absolute most amount of time you can be apart without going crazy! For instance, if you know you need to see him or her every two weeks then plan trips every other week and alternate who visits who. Which brings me to another point, if at all possible the travels should be equal and balanced. Noone should be putting forth more effort than the other to make this thing work.

And lastly, you have to close the gap eventually. You can't have a permanent long distance relationship. The distance should only be temporal or else the couple may begin to tire of the added stress. If you are serious about the person you are with then you should probably make long term plans to be in the same city. I do, however, know a married couple who has a long distance marriage and it seems to work for them. But that is a specific circumstance and I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for most.

Here's what you said on Twitter!
Rcollier029 @sexintheville "I think it depends on the person and the circumstances. I think, small absence makes you grow fonder but long absence wander."

wrecklessmania @sexintheville "if done right fonder but it can quickly wander."

MsCrimson_S_nce @sexintheville "I think if the person is truly committed 2 the other and 2 the relationship the heart will grow fonder, otherwise it will wander."

Follow Sex in the Ville on Twitter at "sexintheville"

Sometimes we just don't know what we want!

Last night, my roommate and I had a lovely night out on the town with dinner and a movie!
Our movie of choice - Sex and the City 2.

I am a long time fan of SATC (hence the tribute via the blog title) and have thoroughtly enjoyed the show as well as the first movie. So I was super excited to see the sequal, especially with one of my closest girlfriends. (Random sidenote, there was a couple in the theatre and that is just not a couples movie, that is definitely a girlfriend movie.)

Anywho, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the movie!

In this movie Carrie is adjusting to the married life. Only two years into their marriage, (though they've been on and off for years) Carrie and Big are still adjusting to being together full time. And though Carrie loves Big, she longs for the single gal's life she once lavished in as she strutted down the streets of New York.

Carrie goes through several adventures in the movie, including meeting up with Aiden, (yummy!) and all of these things only remind her of how much she loves Big. She tries to revert back to her single ways to avoid being an old married couple that just sits in front of the television and orders take out. But in the end, Carrie realizes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable and settled in a stable relationship. She had been chasing after the man of her dreams for years (nearly a decade) and just didn't really know how to act once she finally got him (like many of us do).

Carrie finally settles down into a slower paced, married life (all the while looking fabulous of course!) and in the mean time she has a blast with her three best friends. The moral of the story is appreciate what you have, find really good friends, and keep them around.

So some people say it wasn't as good as the first one, while others say it was better than the first. But in my personal opinion, it was neither better than nor worse than the first. I think that it was an appropriate sequal that continued on the story of four friends and the men they love.

Famous SATC Quotes
"Big-Which is worse?" Carrie-"Samantha, the baby will eventully get tired..."
"Maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we’ve been dealt, and accessorize what we’ve got." — Carrie
"I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet." — Carrie