They Began as College Sweethearts...



Prince William & Kate Middleton



They began as college sweethearts, but today Kate & William start their new lives together as husband and wife. This real life fairytale is providing American's with a taste of royalty. This story is one of romance and fantasy and love. The future King & Queen of England, however, took almost ten years to make it to the alter. This beautiful love story just offers us warm and fuzzies and so much false hope! It sends the message that if you just wait.... and wait like Kate you too can marry the man of your dreams. But it doesn't really happen that way.

The couple met in college and dated off and on for almost ten years. He said to her in 2007, be patient and I will make you my wife eventually and she was, and he did. But is this romantic story the exception or the rule?

Should you wait on the one you love or move on with your life???

I think about this question almost every day. You always here from older adults about "the one that got away" and it kind of makes you wonder. How do you know when the one is "The One" or the one to let go. Sometimes you need to move on and sometimes you need to go back! But how do you know the difference between the two?

William fell in love with Kate at the age of 19, but he wasn't quite ready to committ early on in their relationship. As a young soldier, he worked hard and played hard too! He lived it up and partied a bit before getting down on one knee. But, I am not attempting to bash William, because I love Prince William! So let me just say that I am not teamKate or teamWilliam, but I am teamWillandKate.

Anywho, Will & Kate eventually got married (today) after a long courtship. But I sympathize for both individuals in this situation. As a woman, I feel for Kate waiting and waiting on the ring. It is very difficult to give someone your heart and know that you want to marry them, but end up waiting and waiting for years. On the other hand, I understand why Will (or any man) would want to be a bit more cautious in matters of the heart. Especially when you think about the fact that William suffered through his parents' traumatic divorce, it makes sense for him to be more careful.

Marriage is supposed to be forever so if you really do have forever, does it really matter when forever starts? We all want to find that one special someone that we're supposed to spend forever with, but you really just never know how the fairytale will unfold.

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From Boo to Woo

Do you ever notice those girls at the club or the bar who are just so ridiculously excited for absolutely no reason at all? Those are what you call "Woo Girls". These are the girls that get hype when their favorite song (or any song) comes on and abnoxiously yell "Wooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!". These women are completely and utterly ecstatic about life. There is nothing you could do or say to them that would ruin their good mood. They are not angry or bitter at all. They're a little bit annoying, but only if you are an outsider. If you are not a woo girl you are a boo girl. Boo girls are angry and bitter and there is nothing you could do or say to lift there mood. These girls are the ones in the background going "Booooooooooooooo" while the Woo Girls are dancing and yelling and cheering.

If you're a Woo Girl, good for you. Stay positive and keep living it up with your single gals on the ladies nights out. Enjoy while you're young and single and fabulous. But remember, the life of a Woo Girl is not meant to be forever. It's supposed to be a temporary thing. For your early college years, your twenties maybe, but definitely not forever. At some point you have to grow up and stop shouting!

Now if you're a Boo Girl, stop it. Stop being so negative all the time. You will never get out of your boo-love-is-for-losers mentality if you keep it up. Being a Boo Girl is okay every now and again. Sometimes you need to be the one on the outside looking in judging the Woo Girls and realizing that nothing in life is that dern exciting. But sometimes it's okay to be a Woo Girl and live it up for that one night only!  Stop being such a Negative Nancy and enjoy life.

To move from a Woo Girl to a Boo Girl is easy. It's called growing up. Get a reality check at some point in the future and grow up. But don't let that Woo Girl in you die completely. Sometimes it's okay to let her back out every now and again. But to make the transition from Boo to Woo is no easy task. You have to will yourself to be happy and carefree. More importantly, you have to surround yourself with Woo Girls (or others willing to attempt to wooo). You cannot and will not woo alone. (Hence why you always see Woo Girls in groups of three or more). You have to make it a mission before you leave the house that you are going to woo at some point in the night out. Set the goal and follow through.

A 'Woo girl' - a single girl who loves to go out partying and constantly shouts "woooooo!"

"She's A Woo Girl" (How I Met Your Mother)

How to Go From Boo to Woo

1. Get some liquid courage
2. Look fabulous
3. Go out with other Woo Girls
4. Step outside your comfort zone
5. If you get bored, move to a new location

Keeper vs. Creeper

Sometimes when you meet someone new, it is difficult to know if they could be "the one" or not. In high school finding out whether or not someone was "weird" or "regular" was easy - you had grown up with them and/or knew other people who knew them. But now that we're older dating people is much more difficult. There's no real way to know if someone has skeletons in their closet. Well, everyone has skeletons in their closet, but the question is are they skeletons you can live with? In life and love, how can we know when someone's a Keeper or a Creeper?

Life is too short to date someone for weeks, months, years even just to find out that they are very much a creeper and you should have left them go a long time ago. Being a creeper is not exactly the same as being incompatible. Two perfectly normal people can not be "the one" for each other and that's fine. I'm talking about when someone has some type of neurotic or unusual behavior that makes you want to run like a the girls in the horror films.

It's difficult though. Because when you first meet someone you only see the good in them. You're attracted to them. You like them. You want them to be "the one" either for now or for always. But either way, you will not notice the red flags at this point. So you go on a first date or you just "hang out" and you're getting to know each other. He or she says or does some really off the wall stuff. You give them a side-eye but you're still tryna make it work. You spend the entire date putting things in two different boxes - "I can live with that" and "I can change that". (You can't really change anything about anyone but you tell yourself that for now) But when you get home and talk it over with your friends, you have to decide if he's a keeper or a creeper.

The natural thing to do is to attempt to make everyone a keeper off the bat. You romanticize the date and remember to point out all of the good signs. But what about the bad signs? Is it fair to ignore those? What if that one kinda creepy thing he said was a window into his (or her) true character??? What if the little things you ignored actually turn out to be bigger in the future? How will we ever know?

We can try to weigh the pros and cons all day at the beginning of a new relationship, but at the end of the day I guess we'll never know if someone's a Keeper or a Creeper. I guess the best you can do is try to keep your mind open and your eyes open too. Be positive, but not naiive. Be compassionate, but also be cautious. Take time to get to know the person, but also take time to assess the situation. But most importantly, just pay attention!

How to know if he's a Keeper

1. He opens the doors for you
2. He pays for the meal
3. You share the same values
4. There's a natural ease and flow
5. He texts or calls to make sure you got home safely
6. He's nice to the waitor/waitress
7. He looks at you and really listens when you talk
8. Your friends like him
9. He makes you feel special
10. He's thoughtful

The Absence of You

The Absence of You

I have nothing to distract me from the absence of you

My distractions are all gone and you’ve left too

I think of you night and day

You seem to haunt me that way

And there’s nothing to distract me from the absence of you

There’s nothing to distract me from the absence of you

You’ve crept into my brain and you’ve stayed there too

Your body’s been gone but the memories linger on

And there’s nothing to distract me from the absence of you

There’s nothing to distract me from the pain of you

I wish I could hurt you so you’d feel it too

One heart bleeds while the other heart leaves

And there’s nothing to distract me from the pain of you.

Just Go With It

When starting a new relationship everyone wants to put their best self out there. It's not exactly "lying" per say, but you're just revealing the best version of yourself to be sure to make a good impression. Everyone does it and it's okay because we all know about it. But that's not what's going on in the newly released Just Go With It. This movie is about outright lying!

The film was loosely based on the 1969 film Cactus Flower in which Goldie Hawn won an Oscar.

Adam Sandler's character Danny wears his wedding band and invents a fake wife to pick up younger women. Which sounds sick and unusual, but actually has a reasonable beginning. He was engaged to be married, but finds out on his wedding day that his soon-to-be-wife was cheating on him and was only marrying him because he was a doctor. This big blow to his heart and ego lead him to the bar where some woman took pity on him as he spouted out lies about his horrible cheating wife. Sandler continues this lie to pick up women for years, but one day stumbles upon a girl who he feels may be "the one". When she finds the ring he invents a fake soon-to-be ex wife to explain away the ring.

This is where Aniston's character Katherine comes in to play. Katherine is just Danny's assistant at his office, but he asks her to pretend to be his ex-wife so the new girlfriend, played by Brooklyn Decker, will be okay with dating a married man. Decker plays Palmer, who will only continue seeing Danny if she has proof that his marriage is over.

The lie is compounded when Aniston accidentally answers her cell while out with Danny and Palmer and it is revealed that Katherine has kids. And now the lie is continued with the addition of Sandler's pretend children! He pays the kids and treats them to pizza to bring them on board.

Somehow the hilarious web of lies lands the dysfunctional family in Hawaii on a family trip with Sandler's cousin as Aniston's pretend new beau. This ultimately was a very funny comedy (as comedies should be). I like Adam Sandler, but sometimes his humor goes too far, but this is not the case in Just Go With It. He and Aniston have excellent chemistry and you can look for a surprise visit from Nicole Kidman as well. And this is more than just a cameo. Kidman has a pretty good role and plays it well.

But don't be fooled. The adult actors don't take all the funny lines. The child stars shine in this movie and surprise you with their funny and witty lines. I must say, however, that there moments that did disappoint me in this rom-com. The cousin is an appropriate balance in the tangled web of lies, but has an annoying fake accent and sometimes takes things too far in the joke department. And the kids are too vulgar in my opinion, but perhaps that's normal for kids these days.


Overall, I would definitely give this movie two thumbs up and say it's worth heading over to Sunchase Cinema 8 if you're in need of a good laugh. Personal favorite line - "Look at you two. It's like Barbie and Grandpa Ken."

The Single Girl's Guide to V-Day

Valentine's Day used to be an equal opportunity holiday. It was fair back in first grade when everyone brought valentines for everyone and you were almost certain to get your choice of chocolate candy. There was no competition. There was no bitterness. There was no us versus them. It was fair. But now that we're older and everyone has paired off (or not paired off) it's not so fair anymore. If you're in a relationship or even talking to someone you can pretty much assume that Valentine's Day will consist of more than a depressing movie and a gallon of ice cream. You don't have to worry about pretending to be okay with it because you actually will be okay. But if you are single... oh if you are single... you get attacked by bears and candy and aisles of all red and pink as soon as Christmas is over! You plot and plan how you can get a man in those few short weeks so you're not alone on V-Day.

But I've got news for you! We don't have to live like this any longer! Don't let one day take over your mind! Whether you're single, dating, or even if it's complicated, I promise you February 14th will come and go and we will all make it. Instead of building up this day in your mind to be bigger than it really is, try starting a new tradition. As corny and depressing as it sounds, be your own Valentine! Do something for yourself and appreciate it. If the day is supposed to be about love then perhaps we should all start with loving ourselves. After all, no one can or will love you if you do not truly love yourself.

Another good thing about V-Day is that you don't have to be that annoying lovey dovey couple that ditches their friends for a Hallmark holiday. Spend Valentine's with your girlfriends! Take the time to do something for someone else. Send your friend a Valentine's Day card. Go out to a good movie. Whether it's a chick flick or if you're feeling more like My Bloody Valentine you'll have a good time together. Remember that moment in Sex and the City when Miranda and Carrie were both alone on New Year's Eve? They were kind of sad and lonely, but after Carrie rushed over to Miranda's to ring in the new year with her bff it made them feel better because even though the men in their lives were gone they still had each other.

But if all else fails.... attempt to find a date! I am definitely a fan of getting a good massage for yourself or going out with the girls to celebrate V-Day, but if you can put yourself out there and spend it with someone you are romantically attracted to that's even better! Sometimes all it takes is that initiative. Letting someone know you would like to get to know them better. Too often women get stuck in the I-can't-ask-a-guy-out mentality because we're told from such a young age that that's "the man's job". But sometimes you have to go after what you want. Make the first move. Put the ball in their court.

Regardless of how you spend this day, just remember that after all the hype and build up of February 14th comes... February 15th! It's just a day.

For more on Valentine's Day... check out last year's post! http://sexintheville.blogspot.com/2010/02/valentines-shmalentines.html

Who can You trust online? - The Craigslist Killer

This movie is so disturbing and it really makes you wonder about people nowadays. Who can you trust? Has our online world given us the ability to buy and sell everything - sex included?

Lifetime recently premiered a movie entitled The Craigslist Killer that is based on a true story.

The man in this movie is online searching for women to prey on all while his fiance is trying on dresses and planning their wedding. Does that scare anyone else but me? "If we can't go to medical school together then I'll just wait." This girl gave up her hopes and dreams for a jerk who was online shopping for girls to torture and kill. He even hid his gun in one of his medical books. Ridiculous!

How to Protect Yourself

1. Beef up Your security
2. Use a security token
3. Be careful what you download
4. Use your own computer if you can
5. Don't respond to emails requesting personal information
6. Be smart about your password
7. Use extra cautions with wireless connections
8. Log out completely

On Twitter

NashllyEstefani‎ Watching The Craigslist Killer. --creeeepy. How is anyone ever supposed to want to date anyone ever again in their lifeeee.You psychopaths
homegrowndog‎ I'm watching The Craigslist Killer movie on Lifetime.. If the scenes in this are acurate..Uhh there where many signs this guy was dangerous!
JemaeJemaeJem‎ watched a bit of that craigslist killer movie before heading out. I won't be speaking to any normal looking creeps tonight.

Money Matters Monday: Women & Personal Finance

Personal finance is a difficult topic and it's something that most people don't like to talk about. There is no class that really teaches you how to manage your money and most people don't really talk to their parents about finances. But managing money is most difficult for women. But make sure you stay on top of your finances to counter the statistics that make managing money difficult for women.

Did you know....?

• Over 90% of all women will take sole responsibility for their financial decisions at some point in their lives
• 47% of first marriages and 49% of second marriages end in divorce
• 75% of women do not know how much they need to save for retirement
• Only 28%  of women 65 and older received pension benefits, versus 45% of men, and the median amount of men's pension income was twice that of women
• More single women ages 21-34 (53%) said they were living from paycheck to paycheck than did single young men (42%)

If you start saving and investing now you can learn how to manage your own money. Too often we as women go from our parent's house to our husband's house and never learn to live on our own. You've got to take control of your destiny and your finances on your own! With the resources and tools available you can make excellent financial choices that will prepare you for a better, more comfortable life ahead. Knowing how to manage your funds could also make you more attractive to your future mate! Research shows that men actually like a "cheap date" because they can appreciate frugality in a woman. So take time to budget, set financial goals, and plan for marriage, kids, retirement, and any other major life decisions. Waiting for things to happen will only cost you more in the long run. Remember, those who fail to plan plan to fail.

Books to Consider

• Women & Money by Suze Orman
• Personal Finance: Turning Money Into Wealth by Arthur J. Keown
• Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki

Money Matters Monday - The Secret Stash!

For this week's Money Matters Monday I want to uncover one of the biggest delimmas in a new marriage - Should a married couple have a joint account, separate accounts, or both?

**Warning I am not married and am therefore not attempting to give marital advice. If you are seeking marital advice I suggest you seek a liscensed professional. I am simply a single woman speaking from my own prosepective.

When two become one it seems like both lives should just merge perfectly together... but it doesn't quite work that way. It's actually very difficult to merge two individuals even if they're in love. When you're young and dumb you think love can conquer all and solve anything! But when you wake up and the real world smacks you in the face you realize that joining two lives is not as simple as jumping over a broom. You wind up with two couches, two blenders, two t.v.s and two bank accounts. And you'll probably end up fighting over whose is better and whether to keep both or pick one. But when it comes to finances should we merge our money? There are three different approaches you can take to marriage and money. You can either get a joint account, maintain your seperate accounts, or keep a secret stash!

Ideally speaking, once you put those rings on, there should be no more I and everything should become we. Having seperate accounts suggests that you are still individuals and not in the marriage together. If you're going to share your life together, you should be able to share a bank account and manage your funds together. Besides, when you get married you have joint expenses (like rent and stuff for the kids) so you might as well have a joint account.

Though I am always a fan of joint accounts, it makes me a little nervous to say throw it all in the pot. When you hear those stories about romances gone wrong and women being thrown out on the street without a dime to their name.... kinda makes you think twice! Even though marriage is supposed to be "happily ever after" in the back of your mind sometimes you have to think about the what ifs. What if he goes crazy and leaves me after I've invested all my time, money, and child-bearing hips? What if she changes after we get married? What if this just doesn't work out??? I hate to plan for the divorce while planning for the wedding, but if you keep your money seperate from the beginning it does make things easier if you do have to plan for the what ifs. But if you decide to both have seperate accounts at least it keeps things fair.

The third choice is not one that I recommend for a healthy marriage! But I had to mention it. ;) You could always have a joint account with your spouse and have your own secret stash somewhere that they don't know about. Money is a touchy subject though and is often at the root of most divorces so do not opt for this choice! Having your own secret stash could be handy when you want something that doesn't necessarily fit into the "household budget", but just remember that secrets always come out. What's done in the dark will come to the light. When your spouse wonders where you got the money for that new flat screen tv or those new Louboutins you'll have some explaining to do!

Financial guru Suze Orman suggests that new couples keep everything seperate until they clear up the debt they brought into the relationship. New couples often have school loans, credit card debt, and many more financial woes especially after spending thousands on a wedding. Take some time to put a dent in your individual debt and then once you become what Orman calls "more financially intimate" with each other, then maybe you can put all your gold in one pot. (Financially intimate = get to know how they manage money, their spending habits, etc.)

Whatever you decide, the important thing to do is communicate. You've got to be on one accord and talk about what works best for the two of you because every couple is different. In the end you may find that a Yours, Mine & Ours approach may work. That way you use the joint account for joint expenses like rent or lunch money for the kids and allot a certain amount to go towards your seperate accounts for personal splurges like haircuts and nail appointments. Just find a financial plan that works and try not to fight about it!

For help managing your funds (joint or seperate) check out Mint, the free way to manage all of your financial accounts!

Going the Distance - Movie Review

My sister and I recently picked up Going The Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long as our Redbox chick flick of choice. Drew Barrymore comes from a family of movie stars and was a child star turned adult actess, but is most famous for her roles in E.T., Never Been Kissed, and Ever After. Justin Long is known as the jerk who eventually falls in love in the movie He's Just Not That Into You, but also starred in Alivin and the Chipmunks and The Break Up.

According to the Internet Movie Database (IMDb), this movie is "a romantic comedy centered on a guy and a gal who try to keep their love alive as they shuttle back and forth between New York and San Francisco to see one another".  This movie begins with a random hook up between two adult strangers, but when Drew Barrymore's character reveals that she is only in town for short time, the two decide to leave it at that. Of course that is always easier said than done. They start off atempting to keep it casual, but eventually begin dating and attempt to "go the distance". The two did as we all do when starting a long distance relationship - 'I'll be here and you'll be there and we'll make it work'. They texted, talked on the phone, video-chatted, and made those cross-country flights to see each other in attempts to 'make it work'.

This movie takes you through the emotional rollercoaster that is the long-distance relationship as you hope for things to work out but secretly know they won't. The movie finally gets to a point where the relationship ends like most long distance relationships - with tears and sad goodbyes. They both knew they had something great, but couldn't continue on. Of course it was a movie so they end up together... lol

And now enough description, on to the review! The movie was very crazy. I initially was confused as to why it was rated R. But soon and very soon I discovered the graphic nature of the movie. I wasn't expecting them to show as much as they did and to drop as many F-bombs as they did, but that did warrant the R-rating. But aside from the craziness and random debauchary, Going The Distance was a pretty good movie. It had its funny moments and had its romantic moments so overall it was a good romantic comedy. I like Drew Berrymore and Justin Long and Christina Applegate (who plays Barrymore's sister). And the real-life romance between the two helps as the chemistry shines through on both parts. So the next time you need a movie for a buck per day, just check out Going The Distance, but be sure there are no kids around!




"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."
-Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
 
For other posts on long distance relationships click here!

Money Matters Monday: Pump or Pay?

Is chivalry dead? And if it is, do we care??? Should a man pump and/or pay for gas? Does it matter anymore?

In this day and age, women are becoming more independent in heterosexual relationships and most couples share duties and responsibilities (or at least attempt to do so). Independent women across the world and specifically in America, are now learning to do things on their own that were once considered men's chores.

Take out the trash. Kill the bugs. Wash the cars. Pump the gas. We have asked so much of men in exchange for a few home-cooked meals and a clean house. We have asked them to do all of the dirty, grimy jobs because we were previously considered weak, dainty, and frail. But now words like strong and powerful are being associated with females as well as males. We are finding our strength in many aspects of our lives, but are there still some things that we expect a man to do?

My childhood upbringing tells me that the man in the relationship should always pump AND pay for the gas whenever present. I grew up with pretty conservative, traditional ideals, but the older I get, the more I lean towards a more liberal view on traditional male and female roles. And experiencing life as a single, black female in my twenties is teaching me to do things on my own. Learning to live life without leaning on my parents or a man has lead me to merge my traditional values with my recent feminist beliefs.

As far as pumping goes, I think that it would be nice and respectful for any man (cousin, brother, boyfriend, or dad) to pump gas for a lady, especially in the colder winter months. This tradition originally began because gas pumps were not as user-friendly as they are now. But I think it's still nice.

In terms of who should pay for the gas when dating, it depends. I would like to say that the man pays every time (because I'm a woman), but that's just unfair and unreasonable for any man. If it's my car and I am the one driving it, then I should not expect you to pay just because you happen to be riding in the car with me when I need to fill up. That's a little rude. BUT if you are borrowing my car or we are running earrands for you, you should AT LEAST offer to pay for gas. I don't know if anyone has noticed but gas is expensive nowadays!

According to AAA's Daily Fuel Gauge Report, the national average for gas prices is $3.04 for regular. The national average was $2.86 a month ago and $2.59 just a year ago. Meanwhile, I remember when it was only 99 cents. Gas prices reached $4.11 in 2008! If I'm taking you to work and to your mama's house and everywhere else you need to go, these favors don't come cheap. I also think it's only fair to offer gas money when someone has had to travel a long distance for a date or visit. But that should go for both men and women.

Comments from Fluther.com:

Your girlfriend is driving the car. Who pumps the gas?

In my case, it would be my wife driving the car and it would be me getting out to pump the gas.

A. Because it is the gentlemanly thing to do
B. The gas is going on my debit card anyway and it’s in my wallet
C. Refer to answer ‘A’

I can pump my own gas, thanks. Seriously though, bring me sour patch watermelons and a sour cherry slurpee. One of those metal straws that get super cold is a bonus. =]


If the tank is on the passenger side i will think about it (depending on my money situation) if not then i just sit there and wait, maybe go inside to get her a drink or something.

Here's what you said on Facebook!

SBC: If I am driving and a man is in the car, then he should pump the gas at the station.

Money Matters Monday: When 2 Become 1

While I am not quite ready for marriage... I do like to occassionally get my ducks in a row (or at least think about doing so) in the meantime. For the Money Matters Monday segment I want to focus on money and relationships. When it comes to love and loot, Are you Financially ready to join another person?

When you're single, you can be as frivolous with money as you want. Go out to eat all you want. Buy those fabulous pairs of shoes and the matching handbags. You can loan money to friends and you can basically live month to month, paycheck to paycheck without concern for saving for the future. But if you have any plans for co-habitating, getting married, or having a family in the future you may want to consider some financial planning.

Knowing where you stand in terms of fiscal fitness will help with your relationship because you will be well-equipped to join forces with another person if you plan for that future now. You may be dating someone now or you may be single, but either way when the time comes for you to buy a house, plan a wedding, have kids, and send those kids to college, you want to be financially able to do so. One of my favorite sayings is, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

It would be beneficial to have an emergency fund for a rainy day, a retirement fund, or at least a savings account. Years fly by and before you know it you look up and you are at the stage in your life that you remember only dreaming about. Even if you don't think you want to get married or have kids, wouldn't it be better to just save up for these things just in case they happen?

If, for instance, a couple began saving just $50 each per month six months into the relationship and dated for five and a half years before getting engaged, they would have $6000 saved for a wedding. Personally, I don't think weddings should cost that much, but the average wedding cost is estimated between $14,868 and $24,476 (excluding the cost for engagement rings and a honeymoon)!

And don't forget about kids! About half of Americans choose to have children and about half do not, but if you do decide to have children, that also impacts your finances. Raising a kid from birth to age 18 will cost an estimated $178,590! And that is not including the cost of college.

While getting married and having kids may not sound like financial decisions they are actually all dollars and cents (and love and emotion lol). So take some time to plan ahead! Depending on what stage in your life you are currently, your financial plan and goals will vary, but just make sure you put a plan in action. Don't just stop there, actually follow through!

There are 5 Main Steps in the Financial Planning Process (Kewon, 2007)

1. Evaluate Your Financial Health
2. Define Your Financial Goals
3. Develop a Plan of Action
4. Implement Your Plan
5. Review Your Progress, Reevaluate, and Revise Your Plan

The Unhappy Un-Anniversary

So what do you do when a certain day of the year comes around and you suddenly remember that it used to be significant? You're just walking around all day remembering that date... but that date that was once so special is now just another day. . .

Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary

    - Ne-yo, "So Sick" lyrics

Forgetting the date is better than remembering the date. Remembering the date makes the whole day one big depressing re-run. You end up just walking around aimlessly angry at every happy couple. The key to making it through this day is to try to remember to forget it. But if you can't seem to avoid calendars and other reminders, just live in the depression. It can be purifying to allow yourself to feel these emotions. Call your best friend and tell them what the day is or was and what it means to you and how it makes you feel. Get those thoughts outside of your head and that could be just the cure for your heartache. Sometimes when you're going through a break up you don't really mourn the relationship because you're trying to convince yourself you're okay and "happy" being single. But when the anniversary rolls around you remember that you haven't had a chance to feel your feelings. So take this day and allow yourself to be all in your feelings.

But don't wallow too long! You can't allow the sadness to affect your overall state of mind. He who angers you, controls you. It is very important to move on and not let this one date on the calendar affect your whole day. Don't spend the day wondering what they're doing, what they're thinking and if they're hurting like you are. Instead, try to distract yourself from this day. Do what you normally do or do something new and exciting! Just make sure you have a good day and most of all, RELAX.

Relationships are hard and break-ups are harder and sometimes it can take you longer than you'd expect to get over someone. Someone once said it takes half the length of the relationship to get over your ex. So if you were together for four years it could take two years to fully recover! That seems like a really long time so in the meantime, you just have to be patient with yourself. Be understanding when it gets a little difficult. Just have a strong support system of friends and family who can help you remember that everything happens for a reason.

Top Ten Things Not to do on your Un-Anniversary

1. Take long walks near bridges
2. Watch Romantic Comedies
3. Hang out with friends who are in relationships
4. Drunk dial your ex
5. Drunk text your ex
6. Flip through old pictures from the "good times"
7. Go on a shopping spree that you can't afford
8. Stuff your face with chocolate and ice cream
9. Go on a first date
10. Facebook stalk your ex and/or their new boo

Here's what you said on Facebook!

SIV:   What do you do when your ex-anniversary comes around...? How do you handle it?

JB:     text him and say happy friendaversary :)
AW:   Go out. get trashed. & never look back <3.

Love is for Losers!

Do you ever just get to the point where you are just tired of the whole idea of love?

Well I do! I feel like we go through the ups and downs of these emotional roller coasters of love and sometimes it can really be exhausting. Your heart is a muscle afterall so I believe that all of the stress and strain that we place on it in the process of love can possibly wear it out.

 We go through so much in relationships sometimes and we don't allow ourselves time to heal and repair. Our hearts are much more fragile than we think. I know that just talking with my best friends about their guy problems hurts my heart, so surely it must be that much worse when you're going through it.

Because of all of the ups and downs that relationships (and non-relationships) put you through, it becomes difficult to make it through your day to day with a heavy heart of hurt. I sometimes find myself just angry at those who are in happy relationships because of all of my heart hurt. Sometimes you just get to a point where you're just like "Booooo love!" in the words of one of my dear friends. Lol

It seems like everywhere I turn there's some happy-go-lucky couple with their kissy-face profile pics or some overly excited girlfriend talking about how much she misses her boo when she just saw him earlier that day! And don't even get me started on romantic comedies. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some rom-coms but sometimes when I'm in one of those love-is-for-losers moods, I just want to hurl the remote at the tv screen!

 I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to have to take this time to get to know myself. I don't even have the energy to fall or be in love right now. I'm so focused on me that I cannot even concern myself with another person. So for now, this hopeless romantic will just not be in the mood for sappy "love".

Love is for Losers! Rom Coms to avoid:

• The Notebook
• When Harry Met Sally
• You've Got Mail
• Sleepless in Seattle
• Bridget Jones's Diary
• Notting Hill
• Titanic

The Infamous First Date

Butterflies in the stomach. What to do? What to wear? What to say?
If you're nervous all day long, it must be your first date.

First dates are few and far between nowadays. With things like online dating and speed dating taking over, the traditional "first date" is not something you see too much of. But when you are lucky enough to be asked out on a traditional first date, all of the technology in the world can't save you from those same feelings people have been feeling for centuries. The whole idea of a "first date" with someone is nerve-wrecking because you have this whole concept of what it means to you, but you're not quite sure if the other person is thinking the same thing.

What to Do

Be prepared to pay. Proper dining etiquette says that whoever invites the other person out should pay, but everyone may not know or follow that rule. Always bring enough money to pay for your half of the meal and anything else you might need. Drive or have transportation available. It's quite romantic and chivalrous for a man to drive you on the first date, but you should make sure that you have access to a car or some way to get home if things don't go as well as planned. If you meet at the restaurant and the guy turns out to be a jerk you can text a friend to call in an emergency and suddenly "have to leave". But if you ride with him you'll have to stick it out.

What to Wear

There is always the pressure of dressing to impress. But if you dress up you run the risk of being too overdressed if they're just chillin in jeans and a t-shirt. And the opposite is true if you dress down and end up at a fancy restaurant. What to wear really depends on where you're going, but the key to looking nice is to not dress too sexy. When you try to imitate the magazines it can end up looking more sexy-slutty than sexy-classy. If you're going to a fancy restaurant you can't go wrong with the traditional LBD (little black dress). And if you're going out on a more casual dinner and a movie go for a nice pair of jeans and a nice top.

What to Say

General conversation is good for a first date, but try to move beyond the surface. Have a meaningful conversation. Ask questions about their life, their likes and dislikes and actually listen to the answers. It's okay to talk about yourself, but be sure to balance talking about yourself too much. Be attentive and show that you're interested. The only thing that's off limits on a first date is any talk about the exes. It's just too soon! Share, but don't share too much information. Always leave room for a little mystery for the second date. The most important thing, though, is to just be yourself and have a good time.

First Date Dos & Don'ts

Do...

Make Eye Contact

Give Compliments

Laugh at Their Jokes

Give a Confirmation Call

Don't...

Talk on the Phone

Be Late

Talk too Closely

Be too Aggressive or direct

Are You Really Ready?

So this weekend I went on a Single's Retreat and it really gave me some perspective about life as a single woman. And I had to ask myself... Do You Really Want a Relationship?

Sometimes, when it seems like all of your friends are coupled up, engaged, or married, you find yourself wondering, 'Why can't I have that?' or 'Why can't I find someone?'. But in all actuality, you may not have someone because you may not be ready for a relationship! You have to assess your single self and make sure you are really ready before you ask for a mate or sometimes even a date!

One of the most important things to do before you even worry about being in a relationship is to enjoy your time being single! We spend so much time searching for the next relationship that we forget to appreciate being alone. Once you find the one person you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, well, you have the rest of your life to be with them! But while you are single, it's so important to enjoy being single. You need to enjoy not having to be supportive and always having to be there for someone else. Enjoy being able to pick up and go when you want to. Enjoy your time with your friends. Enjoy living your life unattached to another person.

The second thing to do is somewhat similar to the first, but you have to get to know yourself. You have to know and fully understand what it means to be 1 before you become 2. Too often women go straight from their father's house to their husbands house, from raising their younger siblings to raising their own children without taking time to be on their own. If you never have a chance to live life on your own and make your own rules you will never really know what you like or who you are even. Take this opportunity as a single person to date yourself. Treat yourself to dinner and a movie or something that really makes you happy. Dating yourself will reassure you that you don't need someone else to provide happiness or joy for you. It's nice when someone is in your life and makes you happy, but you have to learn how to be content with yourself.

The most important thing to do before you even think about pairing up with another person is to prepare for your future. We all walk around with these mental checklists of what type of man or woman we want, but do we ever stop to think about their checklist? Are you the type of person someone would want to marry? Tall, dark and handsome. Funny, smart, and kind. Passionate, open-minded and a good cook. Become the type of husband or wife someone would want. Make a list of all of the things you want in a relationship and then make sure you can check off those things for yourself. You should work on gaining some life skills in the meantime too. Learn how to balance your checkbook and manage your finances. Have your own apartment for a while and know what it means to pay rent and utilities. Be able to bring something to the table when the time comes.

Even though it's difficult being single, don't envy those in a relationship because your time will come! So the next time you see your Facebook friend's relationship status change, don't feel bad about yourself, just realize that it is not your time yet. Being in a relationship requires a lot of time and effort and you just may not be ready for everything that means yet. In the meantime, become the best you that you can be and accomplish some of your goals before you become a we.

Ignoring the Red Flags

In every relationship there are always Red Flags.
Red Flags are those little quirks about people that you ignore because you want to make it work. Red Flags are the things that make you say Huh... They are the things that you know deep inside could turn out to be a problem one day, but you only want to see the good.

If in 21% of college dating relationships, one partner is being abused, who is ignoring the Red Flags? What friends are not speaking up? Do you know someone with Red Flags they're ignoring?

According to their website, The Red Flag Campaign is a public awareness campaign designed to address dating violence and promote the prevention of dating violence on college campuses. The campaign was created using a “bystander intervention” strategy, encouraging friends and other campus community members to “say something” when they see warning signs (“red flags”) for dating violence in a friend’s relationship. The campaign posters reflect racially and ethnically diverse models, and illustrate both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

In Lifetime's new movie Reviving Ophelia, Lizzie's parents, cousin, and friends ignored all of the Red Flags while her abusive boyfriend Mark repeatedly hit her. The controlling behavior began very early in the relationship, starting with Mark telling Lizzie what to wear. But Lizzie just said it was because he loved her so much and thought it was cute that he was so jealous.

Even after Lizzie's parents find out the truth about the abuse, she continues to blame herself and defend Mark, the boy who assaulted her. Lizzie refuses to press charges and continues to see him behind her parents' back. "Just because a girl says it's over, doesn't mean it's over" - Lizzie's therapist



It took a death threat via text message to finally get Lizzie to wake up and press charges. And that only made Mark more upset. He finally came to school with a gun and threatened to kill Lizzie and his self. Lizzie found the courage to talk Mark into putting the gun down. But that story could have had a different ending. Don't let it get that far when you see Red Flags in your relationship or in the relationship of others.

Can You Spot a Red Flag?
1. Emotional Abuse
2. Coercion
3. Excessive Jealousy
4. Isolation
5. Sexual Assault
6. Victim Blaming
7. Stalking

When you see a RED FLAG Say Something!


Hotlines
National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE
The Virginia Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-838-8238
breakthecycle.org

Domestic Violence - It goes both ways.

Close your eyes and think of a domestic dispute. What does the image look like?
If you're anything like me, this image is one of a battered wife or girlfriend who has been physically, mentally, or verbally abused by her husband or boyfriend.

But that is not always the case. Sometimes women are the ones who lash out at their significant other. This is the case in this recent episode of Teen Mom.

Amber is one of four teenage mothers featured on MTV's Teen Mom. And this is what their website has to say about her. "Amber is a self-proclaimed teenage party girl who dropped out of high school and grew up fast when she got pregnant with her baby, Leah. While her fiancé, Gary, works 12-hour days to support the family, Amber stays at home alone with Leah all day, and the stress of being a full-time mom is starting to add up. Amber's parents aren't able to help, and they can't afford childcare, so she does it alone. Amber doesn't have time or energy to see her friends, and when she tries to go out, Leah cries all the time. Gary doesn't understand, and they fight constantly about taking care of the baby. Amber wants to finish high school and realize her dreams of opening her own beauty salon -- but juggling high school, adult responsibilities, and a baby proves to be a lot harder than she thought."

So basically, Amber is getting frustrated with the stresses of being a teen mother and is taking it all out on the father, Gary. Gary loves Amber unconditionally, but she is just not ready to settle down with him. Amber is fighting the internal battle that most teen mothers face - the struggle between living the young single life and staying home to take care of your child.

Whatever Amber is going through, there is no excuse for the way she has treated Gary. She yells and screams at him and pushes all of his buttons. She constantly calls him fat, even thought she just recently lost a lot of weight. And to make matters worse, she physically hits the man! I never realized how abusive women can be until I saw the way she pushed him for a reaction. Watching this episode made me realize how sometimes women can go too far. I feel like sometimes women just do it because men can't (or aren't supposed to) hit back. Just because women are typically smaller in stature does not mean they can use men as their punching bags. Men are taught never to hit a girl when they are little, but who tells little girls not to hit boys? Noone.

No matter how frustrated or upset you get there is never a reason to hit someone. Men shouldn't hit women and women shouldn't hit men. There is no double standard there. It is not ok for women to hit men.

Warning Signs of an Abuser
1. Criticism of your good qualities
2. Mood swings
3. Irresponsibility
4. Attempts to control your whereabouts
5. Highly reactive
6. Disrespect toward you publicly and privately
7. Persistent Lying


"You are not alone. You are not to blame. You do not deserve to be abused."
- Unknown

Here's What You Said on Facebook!
SIV: Is it ok for women to hit their boyfriends/husbands? Under what circumstances?
JB: NO! not under any circumstances except for self-defense!